That’s right kids! It’s free gifts day! Who doesn’t love free gifts?

Maybe that kid you knew when you were little. He was a weird little creeper, wasn’t he? What ever happened to him?

Anyways, to the gifts.

I have decided to give you all an EXCLUSIVE SNEAK PEEK at my short story that is due on the 22nd/23rd (midnight) of May! Remember? It’s called Memorandum RE: Galaxy. Well here it is!

____________

Excerpt of Memorandum RE: Galaxy

D.A. Bancroft

To: Mr. Yurg (or current resident)

From: Grand Kalothian Corporation

Subject: URGENT: Impending attack

Today you will get the opportunity of a galactic cycle!

Us here at the Kalothian Institue for Advancement (a subdivision of the Grand Kalothian Corporation), would like to inform you and your kind of the large amount of fleets building up along our shared boarder. This is NOT a time to panic, but a time to rejoice. Today you can seize the opportunity and become a member of the UNDI division of the Grand Kalothian Corp.

All we ask of you and your brethren is to take part in our survey. That’s it! 

Still confused? We bet you are!

If you would like to know more please continue to the below Q & A section. Detailed instructions will follow after that.

What is the purpose of this survey?

Quite simply, the Kalothian species feeds on knowledge. We need it to grow. And If you haven’t noticed, lately, we’ve been doing a lot of “aggressive expansion” in your quadrant of the galaxy. We have been giving this survey to countless species scattered around you. With the information we obtain, we are able to continue to grow.

O.K. Sounds simple. But how do I take the survey?

We’ve made that easy on you. We have developed a neural device that will give you a constantly updated questionnaire that resides in your frontal lobe (or nearest organ). That’s right, no silly paper work! These questionnaire devices are called MINDRAM’s. This stands for Manually Inserted Neural Devices for Research and Murder.*

*Don’t worry about that murder stuff, our lawyers make us put that in there for legal purposes.

…more later

_________________

WOW! Wasn’t that fun?! I guess you’ll just have to come back for more on May 22nd/23rd to get your fill! I hope you recuperate from you mind being blown. You may need to take a nap.

AND NOW I WILL READ YOUR MIND!

Wait a second…didn’t he say gifts? As in plural? More than one? If I don’t get my second, I’m going postal…

Ha! You caught me. Continue reading…

So if I ever got published I would want this guy to do my cover art. His name is Daniel Dociu. Maybe you’ve heard of him and I’ve been in the dark for a while but you should check this stuff out. Each one of his illustrations could literally inspire me to make countless stories. And I’m sure if he teamed up with somebody other than me, people wouldn’t just look in awe at the cover, but would actually open it up and read the story.

Daniel Dociu / Tinfoil Games

Since me and him don’t actually know each other, I’ve only provided a link to his site rather than copying and pasting his art on my blog. Not to mention it would prevent him from getting awesome traffic for his site. Just trust me on this and visit his site  and you can get entrapped in his beautiful work.

My particular favorite is one of his featured works found HERE. It totally looks like it should be a book cover if it isn’t already.

THAT’S RIGHT, YOUR GIFT IS ART!

Till the next one…

D.A.

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Here are a few very important notes for all of you:

1.  I have decided on the name of my short story.

It will be called Memorandum RE: Galaxy. This may or may not be the best name for anything ever written in the history of humankind. Obviously it will involve a memo and it is in reference to the state of the galaxy. Yeah, it’s going to be a spacey alien humor thing (Sheesh, a dime a dozen, huh?). So if you particularly like that kind of stuff, you may like this. And if you don’t, then you should probably still read it, because you adore me (I expect to see no corrections here in any comments).

2. I’ve discovered that I only think in 15 min increments.

That’s right. If somebody asks me when I will be at their house, I will respond with a time that ends in “o’clock”, “15”, “30”, or “45”. I must have watched T.V. so much as a kid that I believe only important things can occur in those time frames. This goes for everybody else I know as well. I have never had anybody tell me they will meet me at the restaurant at 4:52 p.m. If they did my brain would likely explode. Does that mean I show up at 4:45 and get there early? Or do I show up late at 5:00? Either way, it would make for an awkward moment. The smattering of brain matter on my shirt would also make things weird too.

In a related note, I cut to commercial breaks every 15 mins. It’s quite tough for me to make new friends because of it. Nobody wants to stick around to hear me talk about Sockem’ Boppers for the 11th time (They’re more fun than a PILL-O-FIGHT).

Yes, all my ads are from the early 90’s.

3. I realized what every guy in the world wants to be.

We want to be a fair balance of Sean Connery, Doctor Who, Chuck Norris, all male cast members from the original Star Wars Trilogy (especially Boba Fett), Leonidas, Batman, and the Red Power Ranger. And we all wish we could bust into a wicked sweet guitar solo at any time. And all men believe that all the aforementioned individuals can, in fact, bust into a wicked solo at the drop of a hat.

4. The soundtracks from SimCity 3000 and SimCity 4 are incredible.

“Nuff said right there. Those links will take you to FREE digital download goodness. You’re ear buds will thank you. No really, go there. They are “legit free as well. Maxis/EA games released all that music for fans. So become one.

5. I’ve updated my “about” page. 

It is in list form. So… if you enjoy lists and such, it’s right up your alley. I will add to it at my leisure.

6. Anybody who replied to my last post with a comment about not snoring is a liar.

They all snore. Everybody snores. Except the names listed in #3 of this post.  Those people are so rad they don’t even need to sleep.

Well I’ve done my damage for today, what about you?

Me versus You

May 18, 2011

This is an actual conversation between ME and YOU (the reader).

You: So… How’s your little project/short story coming along there D.A?

Me: Oh…pretty good, pretty good. I’ve met my quota for the day and some. Also, I feel that it’s coming a little easier for me than I expected.

You: Yeah, that sounds great. I have a hang nail

Me: What do I care about your hang nail? I’m trying to blog here, and you’ve got to come along and fussy things up. Just go clip it or something, don’t just complain about it.

You: Okay bro, calm down. What’s with you today anyway?

Me: Sorry, I just couldn’t get any sleep last night.

You: Oh why is that?

Me: I was up all night with a tiny pair of clippers hiding under your bed. When you fell asleep I clipped your nail to become the dreaded hang nail you have right now. By the way, you snore…

You: How? Why? What? Are you serious?

Me: :::Blank Stare:::

ANNNDD scene.

In all reality I am meeting my quota. I also plan on opening the story with the reader dropping in on a conversation. Does that break some rule? Is that a no-no? I’m not sure. I guess that’s why I went with the whole fake conversation above (or is it?)

So if you read this and you would like to help me out answer these questions:

  1. What are some funny short alien names?
  2. Do you actually have a hang nail?
  3. If you don’t, would you please remove the items stored under your bed before you go to sleep tonight?
  4. Are you aware that some people believe the world will end on May 21st?
  5. Do you realize my first story is due to come out on the 22nd?

I guess that’s some poor timing on my part, eh?

I’ve decided on the goal of my first short story. It will feature slimy worms that inhabit space and only have one goal. Learning everything about everything. Since they haven’t learned much about galactic war, they’ve decided to start one (best to learn through first hand experience, right?). And while they’re at it they are going to give everybody questionnaires to fill out, so they can also learn more about their neighbors.

Oh, and the questionnaires are in the form of devices implanted into brains, called MINDRAMs.

I think they will have a corporate feel to them as well.

The end product should be around 1500 words. I know some of you will likely tell me that the length of the story doesn’t really matter, that I should write until I’m done. Well I’ve decided that 1500 would be a good goal because that would leave me 250 words per day. That’s a goal that’s achievable. Not to mention, if I man up and get this done quickly, I will have plenty of time to make a few drafts.

Whatever I decide to post on here will be up around midnight 6 days from now. So that’s either very late on the 22nd or very early of the 23rd of May. I guess in the future I will try to avoid posting things at midnight because it’s really confusing try to figure out which day it’s actually coming out on…

Stay frosty,

D.A. Bancroft

“Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die”  — Loretta Lynn

But everybody dies sooner or later. That’s why you should spend as much of your life doing what you love.

This is why people have bucket lists. They have a list of things that they MUST do before they die. I’m no exception to this idea. I really would like to accomplish a few things before my life ends here on earth. One of those is to get something published as a writer. To really stand out on my own and show the world that I am important and unique in my own way.

“I just had a dream about zombies, some were green and some were purple; some fake, some real. I just know that it kind of freaked me out” — Me

What…?

I know, I had a good thing going there. I was making you think about life and what really matters to you. You might have even been thinking that you totally knew where this was going. This blog was going to be remarkably unoriginal, the guy was totally a wuss, and you were totally bored. Then I’ve got to screw everything all up.

Well I’m okay with that. And if you are as well,  then keep on reading.

To explain the title of the post, I would really like to create my own new world.

No, not in that maniacal kind of way. I’m not some villain that is trying to destroy the world and rebuild it in their image. And that image would likely involve transforming the state of Connecticut into a giant trampoline. I’m not sure if that could  be done, but I would be such a ruthless dictator that I would make it happen. Oh yeah, I’d live in a volcano and wear a spiky helmet.

No, no. I’m not one of those people. But I do wear an eye patch and plot doom for others…

When I say “create my own world” I mean to find a new field of personal expression.

Okay, let’s not play games here, I’m not actually a ‘writer’. I’m more of a reader who aspires to write. In turn I will be using this tool to help me become more of a writer. That basically means I’m going to write things (stories and ideas) in a manner that isn’t totally embarrassing for myself as well as a little entertaining for you. I will put a lot of work into making something entertaining, but am mostly just publishing this to learn more about the craft of writing. Finding my voice if you will.

Also, I would love to hear the opinions of those on the internet (the most receptive audience in the world, I know). You reading this (and any future writings) can provide me with essential advice that will help me hone and develop my small amount of skill into something that I can be happy with.

Within a week I plan on adding a short story. Feel free to express your opinions and tell me how to edit and format the work. You can tell me what works and what doesn’t. You can tell me to print it and then burn it, destroy my computer, and smack my deceased mother for giving birth to me. Hey, you can even compliment me from time to time.

Either way, I hope we can have fun and I can scratch something off my bucket list in the future.

Sincerely, D.A. Bancroft