So, I got my degree in the mail today

June 29, 2011

And what a total rip!

I paid thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars to a University. (University of Central Florida if you were wondering) and they gave me a printed piece of paper. 8 x 11. Standard copy paper. Not even any raised ink. The weight of the paper is barley heavier than what you print normally at home. It’s also a slight ivory color. OOOOooo. Swanky.

Don’t pretend you’re not jealous…

The fedex cardboard envelope they sent it in was worth more than that lame excuse for a degree.

Wow, I’m really steamed about this.

Can you believe that?

Copy paper!

Not even a letter came saying “Good job, support our college in the future. Here’s some information about alumni associations.” It’s like they said. “Here you go.” and then they just booted me out. Not even a simple handshake and goodbye.

Was I a bad guest? Did I do something wrong? I feel like I’ve been left out on the street corner. At least I know I can buy myself a bottle of windex and clean windshields for money. Hey, I know just the thing to use instead of newspaper…my degree!

Okay. Okay. I’m just steaming here.

To be fair, it’s a big school. There are lots of graduates. It would be very expensive to send out and print high quality degrees. It’s just a little disappointing to get something so… anticlimactic at the end of my academic career. I mean, people dream about earning that piece of paper, and in the end, it’s just a sad piece of paper.

If you were wondering, my degree is a Bachelors of Science: Science Education (Biology Track).

That’s right…future science teacher here. Nerdin’ it up. Awwwww yeah.

And just to be clear, the valuable knowledge I obtained while earning this degree is not the worthless part. The worthless part is the lame piece of paper I got. (I put in this disclaimer just in case any “high up” alumni are reading this.)

Until we meet again,

D.A.

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3 Responses to “So, I got my degree in the mail today”


  1. A teacher, eh? Science?

    English teachers are better.

  2. Harnew Says:

    It’s just a sad piece of paper like you said. And it will remain a sad piece of paper until you get a career doing what you majored in or a career that says any degree is good…Copy paper?!


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