Be A Man! Man!

September 15, 2011

So I’ve had this conversation a few times with some friends.

I think men today are, as a whole, much less manly than men in the past. Of course this is true of the men who lived in 1897. In those days men were known to go to fisticuffs with any random bear or moose that they crossed paths with. Today, men are limited to working in office cubicles and “killing” people using virtual bullets online.

Since I’m fairly qualified to speak on behalf of unmanly men in my generation, allow me to list the things that I’ve never done.

  1. Smoked a cigar
  2. Skinned an animal
  3. Hunted for food
  4. Hunted anything
  5. Gotten stitches
  6. Broken a bone
  7. Been in a bar fight.
  8. Drank a beer
  9. Ordered a burbon.
  10. Grown mutton chops
  11. Played in a contact sport
  12. Worn a pair of suspenders.
  13. Camped in the wilderness.
  14. Cooked a fish over a fire.
  15. Found something tasty in my beard.
  16. Used the word “carburetor” in a sentence that I knew what I was talking about.
  17. Solder or weld anything together.
  18. Replace a battery in a tractor.
  19. Fell a tree.
  20. Farmed anything.
  21. Complained about “those fellows in Washington.”
  22. Tame a wild animal.
  23. Build my own house.
Yeah, that’s all I can think of at the moment. But all those things are something that every man 50 years ago would have had a very good shot at doing. Even 30 years ago most guys would be able to scratch most of that off their list. Today, not much.
I think the manliest thing I’ve ever done would be when I did some landscaping.
But it wasn’t like it was cool or anything. I spread mulch and dug trenches for a few days.
Why should this concern you?
It probably shouldn’t. Unless you’re a man that’s living.
Anyway, it’s just a thought. Carry on.

6 Responses to “Be A Man! Man!”

  1. Out of those 23 things I’ve done 13, including beer, bourbon, cigar, hunt, camp, farm, suspenders. And I’m a lady.

  2. goldfish Says:

    I agree that men these days are less manly than in days of yore. This makes me sad since I’m rather fond of beards.

    For the record, as a girl, I can mark 7 of those things as done, 8 if you want to include fisticuffs with a bear.

  3. Frank Bishop Says:

    Having grown up on a farm and in the south, let me list the things I haven’t done.
    10, 15, 23.
    I can’t grow much facial hair. A goatee is it. Sideburns are out of the question. I dream of having a flowing manly beard, but it just that, a dream.
    I helped build somebody else’s house. Does that count?

    I’m trying to think of the manliest thing I have ever done. Either fighting and beating three guys at once, pulling an alligator by the tail, or eating chili on my ice cream.

    Probably eating chili on my ice cream.

    I wrote a story about my youth, it involves manly things.

  4. Are suspenders really that manly?

    I’m envisioning Steve Urkel.

    I’ve only done 3 of the things on your list.

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