Another (Belated) Weekend Roundup

October 26, 2011

The weekends seem the time in my life that leads me to make creative decisions. Poster framing, building lamps, scrap-booking, they all seem like creative outlets that only appear on the weekends for me.

Okay, I’m lying about the scrapbooking. I just needed another word to fit in that sentence to make it feel better…

Well add another creative outlet to the list.

I am unofficially the official winner of the 3rd anual Pumpkin Carving Contest held at my friend’s house.

And this claim would not be complete without a little photographic evidence of my mad carving skills.

 

And now with a little more mood lighting.

What’s the secret to my insanely developed pumpkin carving abilities?

Hitting the gym. All the time. Eat, sleep, gym, repeat.

Okay, that’s a lie too. The real truth?

Very sharp pearing knives and crappy flexable steak knives. One should also have a little creative know-how (and by little I mean verrrry little) and approach the project with a sense of dignity and respect for the soon to be gutted pumpkin.

I would even like to consider myself more of a “pumpkin purist”, if you will allow me to say so. I usually don’t go for any fancy techniques because I prefer the old fashioned jack ‘o lantern. Just a big grin and some triangle eyes. That’s the kind of person I am. But not this year. I needed to change things up if I wanted the “W”.

Background for the competition?

Well, a friend was having a little get together at his house and decided there was going to be a pumpkin carving contest. And really, the only people who would be at this party are couples. I guess he just figured it would be a good thing for boyfriends/girlfriends and husbands/wives to compete against other couples. Everybody could bond with their significant other while at the same time have fun meeting new people. A real romantic romp.

But that’s not D.A.’s territory. Like I mentioned before, I’m sort of… not… uh… dating…

Since I’m a loner and am always willing to step on people’s toes, I threw my hat in the ring anyway and immediately decided to win the competition.

So, I did the first thing that every red-blooded American should do before any competition that is hardly a contest at all.

I talked crap. Like a boss.

I told everybody that they might as well not even try to compete with me because I was practically already the winner. This really helped me hype up my pumpkin well before it was even purchased or planned. Point one for me. I was in their minds.

The next points were scored when I decided to use cheesy special effects on my pumpkin. I purchased some Flarp gooey children’s toy and decided that would be my pumpkin’s “saliva”. (I figured many people would try for the throwing up pumpkin gag, so I needed to be a little different). The really nice thing was that the Flarp was kind enough to stay in place while still allowing a good amount of drool to occur.

Victory was surly mine.

But just in case you don’t believe me (and I know you all trust me to the fullest extent that you possibly can) check out my competition.

See what I mean? pumpkin guts vomit. Sooooo overplayed.

Bug eyes and pumpkin guts… No surprises here…

Yes, that pumpkin has corn in his possession…He also has a creepy evil clown feel to him.

Pi… Yeah, I get it. Took me a second, but Pi. Pumpkin. Pumpkin Pie…

Wait a second… What do you mean you don’t think these pumpkins are all that bad? Are you telling me you think these are better than my own?

WHA- WHAT?!?!

How can you say that? What are you talking about?

Mine had slime! Slime for goodness sake!

Pi? Pumpkin Pi? Oh, sure, that’s got a little wit in it. And it was carved quite nicely. And it even has a nice proportions… but no! Mine was better!

And yeah… so what if my pumpkin comes across as a little… boring. I’m a purist. And the judges were purists… so there…

I still win. That’s all that matters.

I see your judging eyes, you think you got a better pumpkin than me? Prove it! Write a post or something that displays your pumpkin carving skills and we’ll see who’s really boss. Post a link to it in the comments.

Or don’t. You probably won’t. But … you know… just some friendly competition.

Sincerely,

D.A. “The Pumpkin King” Bancroft

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2 Responses to “Another (Belated) Weekend Roundup”

  1. goldfish Says:

    Congratulations on your W. I surely would have voted for you if I were registered to vote in pumpkin carving competitions.

  2. Frank Bishop Says:

    Carving pumpkins Friday night, I have accepted your challenge.


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