Pies and Choosing the Right Gift

December 1, 2011

I’ve been very busy full of self-examination this week. That may play a role in why I haven’t posted in some time. More on that later.

So what’s up? Yeah, that’s cool.

You look nice.

Have a nice Thanksgiving holiday? That sounds great/terrible.

Mine? It was good. We had six pies. Seven really. That’s both too much pie and just enough. I ate a lot of this pie. For many years we will speak of the Thanksgiving of 2011 as the Bancroft Family Apiecolypse. There was also turkey, but very little compared to pie.

This shirt? Oh, thanks for asking, I bought it from JCPenny’s for super-cheap. I live life on the rack.

(As a long side note I would like to mention how much I love shopping at a nice store’s clearance rack. I buy most of my clothes from these gems of economy. I can spend 20 bucks and walk away with three nice dress shirts and two ties. I’m not sure if I’m just a pro in the rack sales, but I love it.)

This year is my first Christmas where I’m a complete adult. This is translated as “I have to spend all of my own hard earned cash to make other people happy.”

This year I’ve pulled out all the stops.

I have signed up for reddit’s secret santa gift exchange. This is when I have decided to release my personal shipping information to a complete stranger whom I will never meet. They will then send me something. I will love that gift. (Unless it’s a severed hand)

In turn, I have also been given the private information from another human being in the world that has signed up to this program. I have been stalking their social and internet behaviors and have discovered something that will be the bane of my existance during this Christmas season. Something that affects all my gift-giving intentions this year.

I suck at coming up with gift ideas.

While I’m sure everybody will be happy with anything I give them, I still have to do a lot of thinking.

This year I have to shop for my father, step-mother, friend 1, friend 2, friend 3, friend 4, married couple 1, married couple 2, married couple 3, married couple 4, stranger from the internet, friend overseas.

BLLHSAHDJGHNNNEEE…..

NO. I’m not that creative. This is why I usually make my own gifts. When you make your own gift people will accept it as thoughtful and unique. Really it’s a way to save money and try to have fun while doing it. Also, you can hopefully make many copies of this gift and they will still think it is wholly unique to them.

I gave hollowed out books for safekeeping secretive spy notes one year. I gave people (impossibly difficult to open duct tape wrapped) Nerf guns/grab bags. (5 bucks each). I even made necklaces one year for some female family members.

This year I have no time to make these lovely little trinkets. So I’ve opted out for buying “real gifts”. This is more impossible than safely opening any duct taped wrapping paper.

I don’t know what to do.

On top of all this I’ve been asked what I want this year! Me? I don’t care what I get, just tell me what YOU freaking want.

Hold up. Now that I think about it, if you’re reading this, then you’re my friend…in a weird sort of way.

Now I’ve got to come up with a gift for you…. somehow…

SEE WHAT YOU DID?!?!?

And now it’s going to be stuck on the internet for forever and people will look back on this and say things like “That guy really sucked at giving strangers gifts…”

::Deep breath::

Oh wait…. I’ve got it.

I’m going to do something wonderful. Just for you.

I want to write…because, well…. I want to… and I want it to be fun and memorable… and I am using the internet…

::calculating in head::

I’m going to write you a story. Yes, very original. But this will be an ultra special story.

I’m going to write you… a… Christmas themed story. No… that won’t do.

A story with lasers and aliens battling in space…. No, that’s just silly.

I’ll write you a story of revenge and malice. Closer… but no cigar.

Actually, now that I’m looking at it, this all sounds pretty good.

But a simple story just won’t do.

::calculations completed::

EUREKA!

I’m going to write you a story, involving aliens and revenge and Christmas (this is sounding very Dr. Whoish). AND IT’ GOING TO BE A CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE STORY!!!!

Holy crap! That’s freaking awesome.

(As another very extended side note, I will point out to you, lovely reader, that I AM still working on writing an essay for my personal beliefs on science and religion. It’s just very hard and whatnot, especially after a lot of self assessing this past week or so. So, still expect that, but I’m still eating away at it. It’s just a very slow process.)

So, there’s at least one gift idea out of the way. And look at that, it only took me one post to come up with it.

The countdown to Christmas begins,

D.A.

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4 Responses to “Pies and Choosing the Right Gift”


  1. I’m making some magic wands this year, using the instructions from here: http://www.dadcando.com/default_MAKING.asp?project=Wizards_wands&catagory=Wizardry_and_Magic. Another suggestion I have for you is to check out Trader Joe’s. Their holiday newsletter arrived at my house today,and you can give young ladies a bouquet for flowers for $3.99! Pick up a vase at Goodwill and you’re golden. Also there are yummy chocolates and cakes and things at TJ’s.

  2. Neeks Says:

    You can make some simple cakes and cookies and give a box of those for a present. Lots of folks like pictures of family – do a collage and save it to disk or memory card, take it to Walmart or similar store and have it printed out. They also do pictures on mugs, mouse pads, etc. for decent prices.

    Parents might like “Gifted Cards,” that’s what I call them. I fill out some index cards “The recipient of this card gets one free car wash by yours truly.” Or how about “the recipient of this card gets one meal cooked and shared by yours truly.” “The recipient gets one hug,” “recipient gets one free kitchen/garage cleaning…etc. “leaf (yards) raker”
    There’s so much you could make up there.
    just my two cents!

  3. goldfish Says:

    I’d prefer a story of revenge and malice.

    Nice shirt.


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