A Surprise Party

December 29, 2012

That’s right! It’s a party!

Woo-hoo!

I’m back!

You’re probably wondering where I’ve been.

 

I’ve returned from the harsh wilderness during the unforgiving winter that has choked this land for what has seemed like ages. I’ve done things to survive that are so extreme  they would make Bear Grylls question his gender. Shall I list some for you? Of course I will.

1. I killed a caribou with a golf pencil.

2. I met up with natives of the frozen tundra and they made me their chief.

3. Those same natives and I fought a war against polar bears using a pair of nail clippers and some green tea bags. (You should have seen all the rugs we made afterwards)

4. I learned to speak salmon. I became so fluent that I even made up my own catchphrase. I can’t really type it here though. They’re still working on getting a written form of their language.

5. I went ice skating wearing only leggings made from the intestines of foxes. (And ladies, let me tell you, these things will be very fashionable in the future.)

6. I climbed Mt. Everest twice (the second time was because I forgot my phone charge on the summit)

7. I drank coffee with Canadian Mounties and we talked about our favorite forms of hatwear.

And there we plenty of other things as well.

So now that I’ve finished up that whole…event…now it’s back to the internet to show them all what I’m really made of. Mostly posts about nonsense. Posts that I’m sure you’ve missed.

So let’s move on with business as usual. And in the mean time you can help yourself to some hors d’oeuvres. I’ve got some roasted caribou antlers with guacamole and some polar bear paws toes dipped in a tasty almond butter sauce. Feel free to put on a party hat as well. They’re in the corner next to the bowl of punch.

Help yourself.

D.A.

 

 

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