Maybe it’s just me, or it’s just the effects of technological trends, or it’s the race of genetically modified corn husks that are taking over the world, but has anybody noticed that the number of members on WordPress has been steadily decreasing? In the past week I believe I’ve seen nearly 5,000 people leave the site. (I am seeing this on the homepage, when you first sign in). Since I love participating in reckless speculation as well as sorry excuses for my past mistakes, allow me to elaborate on the causes of depopulation in the blogosphere.

Let me tell you why it could just be me:

I have only been on here for a couple of weeks. It’s possible that I’m just seeing something very commonplace here and I have no previous experience to base it on. Maybe the “population” of bloggers on the site ebbs and flows, just like any other real biological population. There are down periods and there are up periods. Knowing that WordPress is one of the more popular blog sites, I expect the numbers to trend around the same area, with some sporadic dips and rises from time to time.

That’s one reasonable explanation….

Let me tell you why it could be due to technological trends:

Blogging may be dying. I’m not sure if it will actually die so much as it will just wain until something similar (and likely better) will replace it. Maybe more and more people will commit their blogs to a more vlog format. This may be happening now and I just don’t see it’s big effects quite yet. Also, Twitter may be responsible because it allows people to enjoy the benefits of social networking as well as creating short written content (kind of like a really tiny blog). Less work + Ease of use = Big satisfaction.

That explanation is logical as well…but

Let me tell you why IT IS the mutated corn husks:

It’s my fault. I let them out. They overran me. I just thought they looked so friendly and all cooped up in those cages. I guess I just have a thing for illegally modified food products stuck in cages.

One of them even screamed obscenities into my ear as they trampled over me. It was awful. Not the obscenities, I can’t speak Cornish, but the trampling. You wouldn’t believe the number of very small scratches I have all over my face. Not to mention, I might lose my janitorial position at Aperture Laboratories for my boo-boo.

I’m not sure what they want, again the language barrier is there, but I know they do not like bloggers that do only movie reviews. When they made it to the city, they bought out all the seats in the movie theaters that they could find. I’m still not sure why did this, or how they got the money, but that seems to be the first part of their plan. Then they found out where they (the bloggers) all live and just filled their homes and apartments with their fellow husk-folk. People can’t move in there. They’re probably getting cuts as well.

Last I heard they were going to buy ad space on major search engines. I can’t imagine what they’re going to do with it.

Anyway, I’m sure it’ll just blow over. Just in case though, I wouldn’t go out past sundown. They can sneak up on you pretty quick.

So, sorry for the Corn Husk thing, it may have ruined WordPress.

D.A.

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Ever Wonder? #2

May 27, 2011

Okay, so lately I’ve been thinking about my creaky joints. Well, my whole body really, but joints in particular. I’m in my mid-20’s and now I’m starting to notice that I am getting a few of those “aches and pains” that old people always talk about.

Now I’m a naturally non-bendable person. When I do push-ups I can’t even put my weight on my palms. I have to make a fist and put the weight on my knuckles. This is because my wrists doesn’t like it when I try to put it in a 90 degree angle.

So I have this dream about repairing/updating my body. What if I could just reboot it and everything could be fresh again. Not through some surgery, but more like a gigantic break-down and build-up. Every cell. Displaced and then replaced. All the bad stuff goes away. All the damage is repaired. Awesome, right?

Think about it. You have no past strain on any of those old muscles. The back in particular. No weird cracks as you get out of bed. Bones are in their right places. Imagine that It’s so perfect you couldn’t even pop you fingers because everything is so right.

This doesn’t mean it makes me ageless. Just realigns everything. Am I the only person to ever wonder about this?

I guess I could just get a massage if I really wanted to feel refreshed, but I’m not a touch-feely kind of guy. I’m more of a I’d-rather-have-some-sort-of-unimaginable-wholesale-reconfiguring-rather-than-have-some-stranger-touch-my-back kind of guy.

As for the subject of my last post:

I did it. I got something done.

The name of that something will be Charlie 3. The something is my new short story.

“So D.A., can you sum it up in 8 words or less?”

Sure can:

Soldiers preparing to drop on target. Certain death.

Don’t worry. It’s not a commentary on the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Lybia, or anything else. And it ‘s not heavy. So you won’t feel bad afterwards. Makes you wonder how this could be true with my 8 word summary. I guess you’ll just have to read to find out.

D.A.

Ever wonder what would happen if you got punched in the face by a huuuuge dragon?

Well I have.

It would probably suck.

This isn’t due to the fact that dragons are notoriously awesome punchers (which in fact is not a fact). From my experiences, dragons have short front limbs, so the movement of a punch would be difficult for them to achieve. The damage would likely be attributed to the sheer size of the beast. Imagine taking a hit from something that is around 7 stories tall. The mass of it’s arm/leg would be measured in tonnes. That’s just unbearable. Even if you could do 50 push-ups, you still wouldn’t stand a chance…

Consider this as well. Dragons that fight have claws (I read that in last weeks New Yorker Magazine). NOW imagine getting punched by a clawed giant reptile. The scrapes and abrasions would be numerous. He could gouge you.

Plus, there is the danger of Salmonella. Reptiles are covered in that stuff (I went to college). Cuts + Salmonella = Infection City. You’re not bouncing back from that. At best it’s a hospital stay. At worst, well, you’re crushed into a squishy oblivion.

So…my story is coming along. Just the finishing touches are left really…oh, and I’ve made like 3 drafts…sooo…

Don’t worry. If you read the excerpt and didn’t really think it was story-ish enough for you, the whole thing is actually a story. Just a short one. With a pamphlet inside. There’s characters and plot and such.You just got to read the beginning of that pamphlet. It’s complicated I know, but that’s just what I felt like writing. Those things happen from time to time.

Why am I explaining myself?

I should be imagining about dragon punches some more…or better yetmummy dancing.

Shake it Rameses II!

D.A.