Gripe #2

March 22, 2012

Since my last post was so successful I’m going to point out a few things that really stick in my craw…

Now, as a note about my previous post, I was serious. Most of the time they are just sad attempts at reaching out. But in some cases they are quite funny. Some of the pun work are pretty good. Everybody who speaks English should at least respect that. It may not bring them in through the door, but at least they may give a little chuckle. And that’s not a bad thing.

Now here is a short(er) list of gripes I have about some not-so-serious topics:

1. Moisture – Come on…when I’m in my house all you do is cause my pages in my books/magazines to wrinkle and help mold to grow in my windows.

Now that I think about it…

2. Mold – Freaking mold…I have that stuff show up in my window at least once a month. It’s like I live in a horror house. My luck I will get a serious disease thanks to this secretive pain…

(Que up the spam folder to fill up with “Prevent Mold in your Home!” messages.)

3. Poptart instructions – Three seconds in the microwave? Three? Are you kidding me? That doesn’t even do anything. Ten seconds minimum.

Now that I think about it…

4. Molten lava from over heated Poptarts – Why must you burn me so?

5. Feral cats –You don’t do anybody any good…You know who you are feral cats…

:::Looks in backyard and shakes fist with rage:::

6.  Slow mail delivery – I gots things to dos. Deliver my mail faster. Like my credit card statement which is strangely not showing up…

7. Fast food – If you advertise to be “fast” with the food you’re delivering…You should, in fact, be fast about it. I live in a town where there is a locally owned fast food restaurant. It’s delicious. It’s delightful. It’s amazingly fattening. It’s also a 20 minute wait at the drive through. Seriously… advertise yourself as “Diner style southern food”. Stop calling yourself fast food.

(Still worth the wait)

8. My own laziness – For obvious reasons. (This explains why I still haven’t earned that doctorate in Quantum Field Theory…)

9. My lack of understanding of Quantum Field Theory – For obvious reasons.

In a totally unrelated note, I may have something super-cool to share with you tomorrow. Maybe.

You have to finish your dinner first though…

D.A.

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He was battered and bruised. Sweat was dripping from his brow. Heat peirced his mind. He was exhausted. He stopped walking and considered his future. It didn’t look well.

“This will be my demise,” he thought to himself. “No man could continue in these conditions. I pray the Lord meets me with comfort on the other side.”

The trip was a disaster. His entire expedition crew started with 36 men. Now, after nearly 7 months lost in the jungle, it was just him. His last mate had succumbed to disease, probably malaria, nearly three weeks earlier. He wasn’t in any condition fit for traveling either. He was sure he had a fever, dehydrated, and starving.

The bones in his feet felt like gravel. He couldn’t go on.

“I will lay here. Maybe the heat will take me quickly.” he mumbled to himself.

He pulled off his pack. It didn’t have anything in it but it was still a relief to take it off. Maybe death wouldn’t be so bad. It would only take a little while. He was certain the only reason he was still standing was because of his sheer willpower.

But now his will had run out. He no longer wanted to continue.

He looked out into the landscape and took one last look at what drew him to this jungle. His expedition was sent here by King Ferdinand II in order to explore the new territories his country had claimed. He would be the first to pave the way for new colonies. But from the very beginning things had gone awry.

“It would be beautiful if it were not so venomous.” he mused. “Maybe the next group will come and find my dry bones. They will then bury me at home. That is the most fitting thing I can hope for.”

In his breast pocket he felt the paper. It was the last letter he had written to his wife, Emily. It had never been sent, but he kept it close to him in hopes that, if he were found, she might get to read his last thoughts. His thoughts of her.

In his last surveying of the land, he spotted a small flicker. A small fire.

A camp?

Rescue?

He knew he couldn’t make the walk down the valley. His legs would not move anymore after he stopped. His only chance was to call out and hope they heard.

He knew he would use all of his energy to just get the words out but it was his only chance.

“Still,” he said to himself, “I must try.”

He screamed until the blood rushed into his head. Before he blacked out he remembered how Emily looked on a Sunday morning. Maybe he would see her again one day…

***

“Where have you been?” the soft-spoken shadowy figure asked him.

I- I’ve been-” the man tried coughing out the words. The figure then gave him a little water to ease his pain.

The person began, “We didn’t hear word from your journey so a rescue team was sent out. We were getting concerned you wouldn’t come back. We have been searching for your team for months. Up until today, we thought all hope was gone, but we only found you. What happened?”

“I’ve been-” he looked for the words. “House sitting.” he whispered before he passed out again.

Emily looked at her exhausted husband. He was alive but was clearly defeated.

What had happened to make him utter such strange words?

Journey’s End © D.A. Bancroft

 

I”M BACK! No more house/animal sitting.

I know….the story was pretty lame…but I feel relieved like the weary traveler.

Full internet access. No dogs. No cats. No geckos. No turtles. No frogs. No more cleaning of animal feces and urine. No more wondering how the light switches work. No more anything.

Oh wait… I got hired.

So I guess let the worrying begin!

I would love to tell you all about the crazy hiring process that I’m going through but, hey, that’s not going to be very entertaining nor informative. That’s because I just do what they tell me and hope I’m doing it right.

In short, I will have less than a week before I get access to textbooks/materials/classroom/computers before students show up. So I will have to plan my entire year in the matter of a full work week.

Still, I’m looking forward to it!

I understand that it’s going to be hard and annoying at times but at least it’s my room. My plans. My effort. It’s all mine.

I’m not trying to sound very possessive or anything but I just haven’t been solely responsible for a classroom yet. I’ve only interned and that felt like there was a lot of ‘hand-holding’ involved.

I have a lot to say that I haven’t been able to say in the past week or so…so expect that to show up on here within the next week. This is really more of a “hey, i’m back” post…

So, what did you do while I was gone? (I hope it involves monster trucks and not cleaning up dog crap.)

D.A.

Jungle Post # 2

July 31, 2011

Another quick post.

All animals are still alive.

Getting a little worried about getting everything organized to start school. I have a lot to do, and less than a month to get there. If you’re a teacher/educator and have some cool resources for a beginning teacher in a high school setting, please, feel free to let me know about them.

I’m particularly interested in anything concerning a syllabus and organizing your classroom. Should I buy folders to give the kids for a notebook check? Notebooks? Should I worry about buying my own dry erase markers? What about an assignment turn-in procedure? Should I have a bin? Should I just pick them up during a specific period in the class?

I dunno…just thinking about a lot of things.

D.A.

(I know what you’re thinking. “What a strange title.”)

Very brief here:

Dogs = Still alive

Cat = Mostly alive

Turtle = Hard to tell

50 + geckos = Hiding, but assumed to be alive

3 legged bullfrog named Pete = Totally alive

Gecko eggs = Potentially alive

Yup, things are going swimmingly after the “Pooped-in-bed” fiasco (as it’s now known in certain circles).

In the meantime, I would love to hear your opinion about something.

I am looking for a new album to download, but I have idea about what it should be (first world problem, right?).

I dunno, maybe I’ve just being indecisive. Either way, let me know what your favorite album is in the comment section. Hey, it doesn’t even have to be your “favorite album” but it could be your biggest guilty pleasure album. Even your most disliked album.

Don’t have an album? Just give me an artist!

Don’t have an artist? Give me a song!

Don’t have any music at all? Well, you should, music is pretty wonderful…

Thanks!

D.A.

 

 

No Sleep

July 27, 2011

I’m currently with no wireless internet connection. I’m surrounded by 1 turtle, 1 frog, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 30 gecko eggs, and 50 full grown geckos. I’ve only had about 4 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours. Keep in mind that time was not in a consistent manner.

No, I did not ventrure to a compound in the Amazon jungle.

No, I haven’t committed to hiding in a zoo and trying to blog from there.

No, I’m not even that upset about anything that’s happened.

I’m just house sitting. House sitting a house that’s full of animals and no snack food…

Now it’s time for a word of advice about sleep:

Hypothetically speaking. If you are ever asked to do a favor for (let’s say) your aunt, and she just happens to ask you if you’d be willing to drive them to the airport at 3 in the morning. And if you say ‘yes’. Then, for the love of all things that are good and kind in the world, take a nap before you do so.

When in doubt, nap.

Now I’m going to try and get some rest. Sweet, sweet rest.

P.S. The lack of sleep was due to a dog(s) taking a dump and peeing in the bed I was supposed to be sleeping in. I had to sleep on the couch. No fun.

D.A.