Another important list of facts for all of you:

1. I am 14 feet tall. I had bamboo rods inserted into my legs at a very young age. This acutally helped me play for the Harlem Globetrotters for some time. I was later removed from the team due to “unfair enhancements.” I think they were just jealous.

2. Shirmp are not, in fact, sea creatures. They are harvested from the old gas tanks of late model Ford Trucks. This is why some believe shrimp taste like rubber.

¿. If you haven’t read it already, my first short story is complete and posted here on this blog. It’s called Memorandum RE: Galaxy. It was a lot of work, and is my first start-to-finish short story.I’m pretty happy with the outcome. And I guess that’s all that really matters. So, go me.

B. Since this is my first short story, that means there will probably be plenty of mistakes and bad decisions. I will be receptive to listening to any critical analysis of my work, as long as it’s done in an appropriate (read “not mean”) manner. Actually, I would be very appreciative of any feedback whatsoever. Even if it were a little mean spirited.

¥. I’m not using convential numbering for my lists.

œ.  To your joy/dismay I’ve already begun working on my next short story. I expect this one to be much shorter than my first one. The goal for Memo was 1500 words, but it somehow exploded into 2400. I think I’ll aim for around 500 this time around but that could become 4300 words. So, once again, go me.

Γ. This post has nothing to do with lasers…

Thanks for any support,

D.A.

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Here are a few very important notes for all of you:

1.  I have decided on the name of my short story.

It will be called Memorandum RE: Galaxy. This may or may not be the best name for anything ever written in the history of humankind. Obviously it will involve a memo and it is in reference to the state of the galaxy. Yeah, it’s going to be a spacey alien humor thing (Sheesh, a dime a dozen, huh?). So if you particularly like that kind of stuff, you may like this. And if you don’t, then you should probably still read it, because you adore me (I expect to see no corrections here in any comments).

2. I’ve discovered that I only think in 15 min increments.

That’s right. If somebody asks me when I will be at their house, I will respond with a time that ends in “o’clock”, “15”, “30”, or “45”. I must have watched T.V. so much as a kid that I believe only important things can occur in those time frames. This goes for everybody else I know as well. I have never had anybody tell me they will meet me at the restaurant at 4:52 p.m. If they did my brain would likely explode. Does that mean I show up at 4:45 and get there early? Or do I show up late at 5:00? Either way, it would make for an awkward moment. The smattering of brain matter on my shirt would also make things weird too.

In a related note, I cut to commercial breaks every 15 mins. It’s quite tough for me to make new friends because of it. Nobody wants to stick around to hear me talk about Sockem’ Boppers for the 11th time (They’re more fun than a PILL-O-FIGHT).

Yes, all my ads are from the early 90’s.

3. I realized what every guy in the world wants to be.

We want to be a fair balance of Sean Connery, Doctor Who, Chuck Norris, all male cast members from the original Star Wars Trilogy (especially Boba Fett), Leonidas, Batman, and the Red Power Ranger. And we all wish we could bust into a wicked sweet guitar solo at any time. And all men believe that all the aforementioned individuals can, in fact, bust into a wicked solo at the drop of a hat.

4. The soundtracks from SimCity 3000 and SimCity 4 are incredible.

“Nuff said right there. Those links will take you to FREE digital download goodness. You’re ear buds will thank you. No really, go there. They are “legit free as well. Maxis/EA games released all that music for fans. So become one.

5. I’ve updated my “about” page. 

It is in list form. So… if you enjoy lists and such, it’s right up your alley. I will add to it at my leisure.

6. Anybody who replied to my last post with a comment about not snoring is a liar.

They all snore. Everybody snores. Except the names listed in #3 of this post.  Those people are so rad they don’t even need to sleep.

Well I’ve done my damage for today, what about you?

Me versus You

May 18, 2011

This is an actual conversation between ME and YOU (the reader).

You: So… How’s your little project/short story coming along there D.A?

Me: Oh…pretty good, pretty good. I’ve met my quota for the day and some. Also, I feel that it’s coming a little easier for me than I expected.

You: Yeah, that sounds great. I have a hang nail

Me: What do I care about your hang nail? I’m trying to blog here, and you’ve got to come along and fussy things up. Just go clip it or something, don’t just complain about it.

You: Okay bro, calm down. What’s with you today anyway?

Me: Sorry, I just couldn’t get any sleep last night.

You: Oh why is that?

Me: I was up all night with a tiny pair of clippers hiding under your bed. When you fell asleep I clipped your nail to become the dreaded hang nail you have right now. By the way, you snore…

You: How? Why? What? Are you serious?

Me: :::Blank Stare:::

ANNNDD scene.

In all reality I am meeting my quota. I also plan on opening the story with the reader dropping in on a conversation. Does that break some rule? Is that a no-no? I’m not sure. I guess that’s why I went with the whole fake conversation above (or is it?)

So if you read this and you would like to help me out answer these questions:

  1. What are some funny short alien names?
  2. Do you actually have a hang nail?
  3. If you don’t, would you please remove the items stored under your bed before you go to sleep tonight?
  4. Are you aware that some people believe the world will end on May 21st?
  5. Do you realize my first story is due to come out on the 22nd?

I guess that’s some poor timing on my part, eh?