The times, they are a-changing…so let’s get some updates out of the way.

Website: I’ve been sprucing the old place up a little bit. The mold has been cleared and some new curtains have been hung. I ripped out the carpet and replaced it with bamboo flooring. I even remodeled an entire room. (But the smell of Fritos and toenail clippings is still hanging in the air.) Also, the Thing that was Living in the Fridge wanted me to tell you that he’s learned to speak English and he’s hoping you all are doing well. (Then he went outside and ate another stray cat or two).

To share something completely honest, I’m not the most tech-savvy of the bunch. I’m not sure if those of you who “subscribe” to this blog get updated whenever I change anything on a page…but if you do get updated, then please forgive me for changing things and then making you think this site has been more productive that it has been, then you get hit with a post that also updates you on things you’ve already been updated on.

If you don’t get updated then shut up and listen because it’s about to go down.

I’ve deleted the page that was called “Comics”. It featured a bunch of little doodles in the form of comic strips that I thought were funny at 3 in the morning about two years ago. They were bad. Like…really bad. Not even cute bad. So bad that I when I looked at them for the first time in over a year, I started to question what I was thinking. And I mean really question my mental health. I looked at these things and I reacted like they were photos of experimental surgeries during World War II. I think I’m going to get subpoenaed to testify in some war crimes court at The Hague.

Sooo…I killed them. They’re dead and will never bother us again.

Until now…

From this page’s ashes has risen another creative outlet. It’s called “Art”.

:::puts on beret and dark sunglasses:::

That’s right guys…I’m artsy…

I’ve been dabbling in watercolor for the past year. I’m not very good. I am not well educated in the media nor the idea of what makes art…art, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying. I feel like I’ll share with you some of the stuff I’ve painted in the past and anything else I might paint in the future as long as I don’t think I’ll get too ridiculed by myself in two years when I look back on the content of this page. (On a side note, I’m not sure if Double Jeopardy is a thing in International Court.)

Here will be the first piece I share with you. It’s called Robot on a Building.

It's art, man

Robot on a Building

I know all of you have questions, so allow me to knock a few of those out of the way for you.

Q & A Time!!! (Where I ask the questions and I give the answers)

Why is that the name of the painting? Because it’s a robot, and he’s sitting on a building. If you think of something better, let me know, I’ll change it for you.

What’s the idea behind it? I thought about drawing a robot sitting on a building looking like he was bored from destroying the city. Then I got the bright idea of put the itsy-bitsy little girl with a balloon at the bottom looking up at the robot. Now it just looks like that robot is really bored with this little girl. Like, maybe the whole world has hidden and only this simple little girl with a freaking balloon and bad parents went out to reason with this robot. He is not entertained and is probably thinking about using his giant antenna to catch the last half of the ball game he’s been missing doing all this busy robot work.

Is the city supposed to look like it’s on fire? No. I was trying to make it look like a sunset was happening in the background…but if you want to seen it as a burning city behind him, go for it. Heck, it even makes it look like it was planned when you think about it. But no…I’m not that smart.

Why are the buildings crooked? Because I  can’t draw straight lines.

Why is their some sort of dial on his chest? Are we supposed to suspect that he can somehow look down on his own chest and tell what the reading is? Come on guys…calm down…it’s just a drawing. It looked really robot-y in my head and made sense when I drew it.

How long did it take you to make this? I think it was close to 3 hours. like…maybe 1 and a half to draw with a pencil, erase everything at least 3 times, and redraw it at least 3 times. Another 30 to go over everything with a pen and not make straight lines with the buildings on the side. And the last 30 to paint and all that jazz.

When are you going to get better? Shut up…

END OF Q&A!!!

So on the art page you’ll find this painting as well as two others. I know…I’m forcing you to visit the page in order to see what they are. I know, how could you be so lucky? Right? Because as moderator of this blog, I’m a tyrant, but a benevolent one.

Reading: I’ve been reading a lot lately and it feels wonderful. I’m about halfway through the book Wizard and Glass. I’ve been really thinking a lot about the book, so expect my next post (Wednesday) to feature a very long-winded synopsis and analysis on how I think it applies to my life (and maybe your life despite you not reading it).

Writing: Friday’s post will be a short story. It may or may not be called The Thing that Lived in my Fridge: A Love Story. Prepare yourself.

Now, it’s Monday morning, so you’re probably groggy and tired still. Maybe you’re perusing this site while sipping on your second cup of coffee. You might be reading this during your lunch break. Thank you for wasting your time with me. (I’m still on vacation, so I’m going to taunt you while I can).

But remember: People aren’t paying you to lollygag. Get back to work.

BAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaaaaaa,

D.A.

 

 

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I used to call this blog home. Then I left on a weekend trip and said I’d return shortly. But then my car died on the way back and I had to catch a plane instead. But the plane had to get rerouted due to some dude pooping his pants on the flight (the air marshal thought he meant something different what he said he’d “dropped a deuce”). When we landed I was stuck in customs forever and they said I couldn’t enter the country. Apparently I had boarded the wrong plane and ended up on another continent. I eventually broke myself out of that prison of a terminal (a la’ Shawshank style). Then I was captured by pirates and held for ransom for over 14 weeks. They demanded that Paula Deen be put back on the air, and until her recent internet channel/program announcement, that’s where I’ve been.

And you would think those pirates knew how to cook anything with all the devoted watching of her butter soaked recipes.

But here I am. I’m back. But what’s happened to the place? Mike said he’d watch it while I was gone.

I had to kick away some buzzards who had taken up residence at the entrance. Apparently they were eating the mice in the overgrown yard and must have been trying to make some abstract art using their fecal matter. (In all honesty, it’s not too bad). The front door had police tape strewn across and had a moldy patina on the edges.

When I finally got my key to fit in the lock I opened the door the smell of old toenail clippings and Fritos. The blinds were askew but small slits of light ignited the dust particles that floated in the air. The wallpaper was peeling in one dark corner and all of the furniture was missing except the mini bus sized couch. May book collection was partially toppled from their shelves and the legs on the bookcase cracked.

I turn on a light switch only to hear a loud pop and the smell of burnt plastic. One of the bulbs glows dimly, flickering as its coils feel electricity for the first time in years. I drop my bag of hotel soaps and bathrobes from my last stop at a Motel 8.

I flop down in the center of the couch and let the slightly damp cushions hug me. I close my eyes and try to remember the good things that happened in this place.

I remember this was a place of comfort, a place of dreams and goals. This was a place for me to be open and up front. This was a place built by myself and for myself.  I remember the poorly written jokes and the even more poorly written stories that were crafted here. These walls soaked in all those ideas and kept them from escape. They kept them safe from storms outside and the nosey neighbors around.

I take in a deep breath and open my eyes.

There is a fate for this place. Most would have it condemned and demolished; some would just torch it and take the insurance money. Some would pull out a hotplate and sell ramen noodle soup from here claiming it was a new and hipster “gastropub” experience.

I, on the other hand, feel too much nostalgia. I can’t possibly let this place continue to decay. This place can return to its once red moonlit glory. It can once again be a place full of life and goals. I can post banners of failures and banners victories all about. Everybody can once again enjoy the life, writings, and failures of D.A. Bancroft.

So, there it is folks. I think I’ve come back to the old digs.

Yeah, maybe a gut job is required. I might even need to do some work on the foundation. I know the plumbing is full of earthworms and the wiring might have shorted out completely. I’m pretty sure I even left stuff in the fridge… there might be an entire microcosm in there by now. I’ll fiddle with that later.

But at least this means I get to reimagine what the space can be used for.

A good cleaning, some new furniture, and a splash of paint can go a long way.

Yup…home sweet home…

So…

Here I am…

If anybody is still out there…come on by. Maybe bring me a bottle of bleach and some home baked cookies. I could use both.

D.A.

I Almost Died Today

April 30, 2013

(Kinda sorta, but more of a statement of fact than fantasy)

I shall embellish as necessary. You know, for entertainment purposes. But I think as I write this I will end up being more truthful than anything.

SO THERE I WAS… learning how to play Earth, Wind, and Fire’s song September on guitar. (Yeah, specifically this song) And I hear a little bit o’ thunder in the background. But, hey, I pay no mind to a little thunder. I live in Florida after all, thunder is just as common as senior citizens driving golf carts and theme parks.

By the way, in order to get in the mood, you should listen to this as you read on.

So I keep groovin’ and the thunder keeps boomin’.

Now, I should preface everything I’m about to say with this statement. One of my biggest fears is severe weather and only in recent years (let’s say the past 7 or so) I’ve been able to quell the fear that surges through me when I hear the emergency alert system buzz. Since I’ve been living on my own I have not been in a severe weather event. So… this was a first for me. Facing a major fear while totally alone and helpless.

 

So, as I was saying, I kept playing.

For whatever reason I decided to glance out the window and see if it was even raining yet.

Yeah, quite a bit actually. And the wind was looking rather breezy.

This, in my mind, qualifies as a level 2 threat (on a scale of 1 to 10 of course). This means I pull up a website that has some current radar for my area.

“No biggie” I think to myself. “Tis but a sprinkle.” (Yeah, that’s how I talk to myself)

Then the webpage seems aglow with…colors. Like freaking Christmas trees colors. All of them on top of my homestead.

“Oh eff…” I say to myself (and yes, I say eff as a word, deal with it)

I turn on the T.V. and click to a local news station. I’m immediately bombarded with the familiar buzz of the EAS and it telling me, nay, SCREAMING at me, words I don’t want to see.

Tornado.

Looked and sounded a lot like this.

And my car isn’t even in the garage… MOTHER OF PEARL!

So I do what any responsible, conscientious, well thought out person would do. I put down my guitar, grabbed a pillow and stood in front of the T.V. like a moron.

Then I start to hear the rain start to roar, and my apartment (not homestead, sorry) starts to vibrate flood falling from above. I look outside and see how it’s near white outside with rain and the few trees I can see are whipping around as if they were some wet haired woman in a Whitesnake music video.

Oh boy.

So I put on some house slippers and begin to wonder if I should move to the closet or the bathroom (which is pretty much the same place). My panic stricken mind agrees that the best place would be the shower. More support in the walls as well as the tub to help with reinforcing me in place. (No basement and I live on the second story, I’m screwed no matter what).

So, I stand in the shower until I hear the roar of 1 inch thick hail pound on my windows, door, roof, (and my poor car). I even hear the whipping of the trees outside of my place shake violently.

This happens for about 45 agonizing seconds. In which time I said the foxhole prayer 3 times and started contemplating whether I should pull out my phone and record my last will and testament as I wait for the tornado to sweep me away to the land of Oz. I thought, “This is it D.A., you’re a gonner.”

It really started to sound like something from War of the Worlds was going on outside.

Then it stopped just as quick as it started.

Quivering, holding a small pillow, I stepped out of my tub and into the living room. The updated radar indicated it had passed overhead. I was in the clear.

I picked up the guitar again and played for another hour. Went to the store and picked up a steak. Cooked that steak with some green peppers and onions, with a baked potato on the side. I enjoyed every bite a little more knowing the chemicals in my brain still let me remember that I thought I was going to die on this day, April 30th, 2013.

Let’s recap what we should have learned from this experience.

1. I might want to take notice of the weather a little faster next time, juuuuust in case the giant swirly wind tube of destruction decides my presence is needed elsewhere.

2. I need to consider putting my car IN the garage when I know a storm might be a-brewin’.

3. I make tornadoes happen when I play Earth, Wind, and Fire on guitar.

 

Now, fear me.

D.A.

 

A Glorious $5 Mistake

April 29, 2013

As a young man I loved the games. Games of all sorts. Computer. Video. Board. Card. Mind. All of them. They were the sprinkles on the ice cream cone of life. 

In the year 2003 (I know…) a game came out which changed my life. Actually, it was the sequel to a game that changed my life. It was called SimCity 4. 

Yes. That really boring city simulator that makes you make decisions about ordinances and if you want to make neighboring deals that help you sell your garbage. Also you have to make decisions where you want to put your mansion and if you should put an avenue there or a bus stop. 

I loved it. Still do. But last year I tried dusting off the old disks to SimCity 4 and, lo and behold, the game is so outdated it wouldn’t properly boot up. Yes, there are people online who say with a little bit of wiggling of wired and screaming you can get it to work, but I’m lazy. Very lazy. I decided to let it die and become a relic of the past. Let time polish that memory into a shining gem of my past.

Even fairly recently (I think within the past few months) the same company decided to finally release a sequel to one of my favorite games. No, it’s not called SimCity 5, just simply SimCity. And general opinion is pretty consistent.

It’s a turd. 

A big, expensive, glitchy, weak turd of a game. 

A lot of people have tried to get a refund because they are so disappointed. (If you don’t believe me check out /r/SimCity for a more lengthy bashing of said game). 

One again, I figured it would be smart this possible drain on my wallet and just let bygones be bygones. 

Until I noticed a Steam sale that featured a $5 copy of SimCity 4. And…it says it’ll work with my machine…

Well…I did it.

And I still love it. 

Do I feel bad? No, but my Sims don’t like pollution too much. Do I need to go to bed? No, I need to entice Sims to build more high tech industry. Do I have papers to grade? Of course I do, but I need to build high-capacity schools in my town if I want some nice commercial land value later on.

Why am I telling you this? Because I need possible names for my new cities. 

You may leave them behind in list form if you wish. 

D.A.

 

Until last night when the internet 

Distractions

April 25, 2013

One of my biggest distractions has been my reawakening of my love of guitar. I used to play primarily the bass guitar, but since I’m not in a band anymore, it’s sort of hard to keep myself entertained with just that. So I decided to play acoustic guitar a little more often, and quickly found myself obsessed with the idea of finally becoming the owner of an electric guitar.

After 11 years, I finally did it.

Say hello to the newest member of my family.

my newest addition

my newest addition

It’s an Fender American Special Stratocaster and I think it’s puuurty. I also believe you owe me a round of applause because I’m only posting the one photo. You could have gotten a very long album that featured a really creepy amount of photos with an inanimate object.

Want to know more about it? OF COURSE YOU DO! WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS THING?

It’s an easy guitar to play. The radius on the neck is perfect for my tiny hands and helps me bend strings without any effort at all. (This is something new to me because my acoustic guitar was just a turd to try to bend with).

WANT ME TO BLAB ON FURTHER?!

It also sounds fantastic. It came with Texas Specials inside and “upgraded pots” which allow me to enjoy fiddling with those knobs and it doesn’t lose anything.

MORE THINGS!

It even comes with a groovy 7o’s style headstock. Looking at it makes me feel like I’m back on the road touring with The Who and Led Zeppelin.

I AIN’T EVEN DONE!

The finish is spiffy as well. A natural wood look with a sunburst feel. Not too dark, not too light. Just a golden honey appearance makes you feel like they grabbed a honeycomb and just buffed it for a couple of hours.

Am I sounding like a advertisement for Fender guitars? I hope so! I really hope they decide to reward my loyalty by giving me a Telecaster…free of charge. (I’d take it in a natural tone, much like this. Not begging, just asking….)

So what has this guitar done for me? It helped me write my second song….ever.

Yeah, so what…

And it has fed the obsession with looking at guitars as beautiful and artful things. Which only makes me want more and different ones.

Now I just need a decent amp…

Jealous? Thought so…

Now I’ve got crap to grade/not grade.

D.A.

 

 

 

Busy Day Today

June 18, 2012

I’ve noticed an interesting trend in my life. The first words I speak every day are usually very odd. I really should just keep a little notebook next to me so when I say the days first words I can jot that down. 

Today’s first words were: “SHELLY’S SEPTIC!” 

I was standing in my bathroom…doing something you would normally do in a bathroom…and looking out the small window. For whatever reason there was a large truck parked in my neighbor’s yard. It was a septic removal service truck. The company was called Shelly’s Septic. Big letters on the side. It just looked like it needed to be said out loud. 

I’m not sure why I yelled it. And yes…I did yell it.

I calls em’ hows I sees em’. 

I also came up with a new thing I’m going to try out. 

You know the phrases “Shucks” and “Darn“?   Yes, these are all socially acceptable curse words that you might say it if you talk like you’re born in the 1940’s. I routinely use them in my everyday language but have been feeling like they’re a little stale. So I’ve decided to mix them up. 

Do you know what you get when you mix the two together?

Sharks. 

So now I’m going to exclaim “SHARKS!” whenever I have reason enough to exclaim. 

What do you mean you’re not impressed by that? Well, I got more for you. 

I went apartment shopping today. It was one of the strangest and most awesome encounters I’ve ever had with a person. She was passively insulting and I lied about owning a jet, having a dog racing addiction,  and owning a Jazzy Power Chair dealership. But that’s another post entirely.

(Seriously, the girl trying to sell me the apartment was a little loopy…and we were joking about 90% of the time she was showing me around but it turns out it was all worth it because it was the nicest apartment I saw today.)

Was the shopping successful? I think so… I may have found a future home for myself. 

I also bought a Mahjong game. It’s pretty rad and is nothing like the Microsoft version you have probably ended up playing. Thank you Goodwill. I still have no idea how to play it…but I’m sure I’ll start gambling with it soon enough. 

I also bought some apple juice. I’m sure you didn’t want to know that…but there it is. It was tasty. 

I’m going to a BYOM (Bring Your Own Meat) cookout tonight. So… I’ll be doing that. 

And there you go. Hope your day was half as exciting as mine. 

Now I’m off to eat the charred remains of some helpless animal. 

D.A.

Today Was The Day

June 12, 2012

Today marks the beginning of my self-proclaimed “Summer of Doing Things”. 

So far?

I went to a friend’s house and wasted a day away while making up a board game and eating pizza. That sounds like a pretty good start to me. Later I fell asleep on his couch and rediscovered that stretching out on the floor is amazing. It just cracked my back and realigned everything. I couldn’t believe it. I rarely lay on the ground…but if I can…I highly recommend it for you.  

I’ve also learned something about myself. Actually, it’s not so much that I’ve learned something but have finally defined something about myself. 

:::takes deep breath:::

Do you know what a “kick” is? Not the one for scoring goals. Not the one that you saw in Inception. 

A “kick” is a period of time when you obsess over something. It can be something real or it can be an activity. It can even be a place or a person (think like a crush). It’s not to be confused with an addiction. Addictions are long term and result in bad things. A kick is a short lived love of something. Most of the time you end up doing that activity for a few weeks and then you suddenly tire of it and stop. Then..weeks…months…even years later…you return with a newly revived vigor. 

They’re wonderful.

My life in recent years has been defined in different kicks. 

Such as…

  • Writing
  • Guitar
  • Sound recording
  • Exercise
  • Computers
  • Board games
  • Magic: The Gathering
  • Making stupid internet videos
  • Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
  • Reading
  • Lamps
  • Zombies
  • Comic Books
  • And many, many more…

So…why am I pointing this out this potentially obsessive compulsive behavior for all to see? Because I think it is actually a very healthy thing to do.

Really.

I think the more interests a person has it shows that they are keeping themselves stimulated and active. Yes, it might mean that our thoughts are sort of roller coaster at times but how is that any different than anybody else? Everybody goes through “phases” in life. My phases just happen to be focused around different activities rather than bouts of depression or relationships or life events. (I’m not saying living life in a way that is guided by these moments is bad…I’m just saying most of my life has occurred in bursts of interests from time to time.)

I think most people go through these “kicks”. At least I’m hoping that most of you go through this. Otherwise I guess it would seem that I’m a little crazy…

Am I crazy?

I guess it doesn’t really matter…I’m going to keep explaining anyway. 

I also think there’s a reason why kicks are defined over a certain period of time (usually short). It’s simple; we run out of fuel. When I’m in the middle of a kick I’m pouring out my juices of attention. (That’s a thing by the way…juices of attention. The trademark belongs to me D.A. Bancroft. All rights reserved. You can buy your T-shirts that feature this awesome catchphrase very soon.).

And trust me when I tell you this, I pour out until I run dry of everything I have to give. Then, when the well is dry, I allow myself to fill back up. But that takes time. 

To fill it back up all I have to do is just wait. The daily routine around me will cause me to remember certain aspects and interests as I go along my merry way. Sure enough when that cup becomes full once again it starts to pour and the kick begins again. Usually my efforts are a little more focused and contained the second or third time around. It’s almost like I pick back up right where I left off.

So…since I’ve told you about my past kicks…let’s explain my latest one. 

Right now I’m going through a “I really need a DSLR camera” kick. It’s got me in such a tight grip that I’m starting to think I might actually pull the trigger and buy one.

Do I really need one? Absolutely not. It’s almost ridiculous to imagine me running around trying to take pictures and videos of things (In 1080 p might I add…). But it could be a whole lot of fun, and for the “summer of doing things” it could be perfect. A new interest and a wide open horizon of possibilities. 

So if I end up purchasing one…what do I plan on doing with it?

Probably a lot of things. Maybe not much. I dunno really until I actually follow through and try this thing out. 

I might use it to really try my hand at photography. I’ve never really tried before but I think it would be a lot of fun learning a lot about it and seeing if I can develop the “artistic eye”. I could also start recording some of those silly videos me and my friends keep talking about. (And no, these friends are a dozen teddy bears that I keep in my closet, they’re real people.) 

I might try to make some recordings of me doing some science demonstrations for my classroom. This could come in handy because sometimes I don’t have the time or energy to set up a demo for students. While they can be wonderful learning moments we may not have all the materials to repeat the demo 3 or 4 times a day. So…if I recorded myself doing this (let’s say over the summer months) then I could just throw them up in video and can actually point out some pretty amazing things while not having to worry about burning down my lab room. 

I have even heard of something called the “flipped classroom”. This is where the teacher puts all the lectures and lessons online for students to access at home and all the homework is done while they are in my classroom on school days. Then the kids receive help from me on their homework and we won’t lose any class time to me teaching stuff. 

I dunno…that’s a little extreme but it’s a possibility. It’s even more possible if I gave myself a few trials to see if things like that would even work. 

Hey…I could even try…blogging…on video…”vlogging” as they say. 

But…I dunno…that would be awfully….different…

Still…I could try…

So you see? The sky’s the limit! I could do anything! (Well, I don’t think I could cook with it…or bathe with it…or perform a jet engine repair with it either…)

Anyway, maybe in a week I’ll tell you about how I have successfully navigated away from the strong current that is pulling me toward buying a camera. Or maybe you’ll see a nice crisp picture of a pile of leaves that made me “feel the artistic urge.” 

So I end with this… If you were me…in my position…would you do it?

D.A.

Naps Are The Devil

June 7, 2012

Seriously. Naps are the devil.

Today was the first day of no students for us teachers. You would probably suspect that this means today was an easy day.

I regret to inform you that it was not. I moved more textbooks than should be asked of a human. Cleaned all the materials off my desk. Began my scavenger hunt for administrative approval. Played to politicking game. All that and I’m only half done with my checklist, still need to finish grades, and we still have some textbooks missing from inventory…

It also didn’t help that today was a day that was so full of moisture that you practically needed a paddle to push yourself through the air.

So, I got home and decided to “rest my back”.

And you know how it is whenever you rest your back. You lay on your bed, and try not to move. You also have the fan on so you decide that you should close your eyes. It would be annoying to stare at the fan and let your eyes dry out…right? And then, hey, since you’re already there, you might as well slow down your breathing.

And then you start to think about soft music and unicorns…

BOOM!

Then you wake up two and a half hours later.

I’m 99% certain it was a nap. 1% possibility of time travel.

Either way, I’m groggy and tired…still.

Only one thing left to do.

Go to bed.

Goodnight,

D.A.

Didn’t that one guy used to blog on occasion?

Yeah…he did…he did… It was even almost entertaining at times.

Sad times.

But that will be fixed up here soon enough. As of Friday evening I will be seated on the football stadium field while I watch many seniors I have never met graduate. It will be hot, boring, and will most certainly test my bladder’s ability to survive the two hour long ordeal.

Then the weekend will come.

Then Monday is a short day. Tuesday and Wednesday are exam days (so they’re even shorter), and then it’s teacher work days Thursday and Friday.

Then…freedom. Summer starts.

It’s like the weekend, but longer.

I’m so excited.

(I may stop wearing pants.)

Sorry, you didn’t want to know that. But realistically I will be free of a creative burden for some weeks. That means I will likely end up expressing more of my mindless droll toward you rather than my students. This will be good for all of us.

I also have some plans-a-cookin’ this summer. Interested?

Possible ideas for the summer:

  1. Read. A lot.
  2. Write. A lot.
  3. Stare into the sun. Very little.
  4. Do some conferences for school. (I will not be using my brain for those activities)
  5. ROAD TRIP! (I’m particularly excited about this, more details will follow)
  6. Buy a DSLR camera.
  7. Reconsider my position on the pants topic.
  8. Move out of the house.

Woah…

That’s…quite a bit of stuff there big guy. Moving out? B-but…That means…

Yes. I will grow up a little more. Expand my maturity levels. Becomes more than what I am now.

Seriously, that’s pretty crazy for you. What ever made you think you could pull of something like this out of the blue? You haven’t blogged for over a week and now you’re talking all crazy. Are you ill?

No, I’m completely fine. Well, not totally fine. I’ve got this rash on my-

NO! Stop typing. We don’t want to hear that. 

Who are you anyway? What is happening here? Am I having a conversation with myself? You’re just me but in a different color. 

See? That’s another reason why I suspect that you’re not well. You’re talking to yourself via a blog. That’s a sure sign of crazy in my book.

Alright Fake Me, you shut it up. I’m through talking to you. This is getting too weird.

As for the rest of you, more blogging will resume shortly. Just allow me to find my head in the final stretch of the school year. After that I should be back to my normal self. Maybe.

D.A.

Tuesdays Are For…

May 22, 2012

Not working and writing a love letter to YouTube.

Actually, I did go to work, but immediately left due to an illness that was rendering me incapable of being able to hold the attention of some 15 year olds for and hour and a half.

As of now I’m feeling a lot better and I’m certain that I will be returning to work tomorrow.

So…what  did I do to occupy my time while I was out sick?

1. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom. (Yeah, I was that kind of sick…)

2. I slept for another three hours. From the hours of 1:30 to 4:00. I woke up a new man. I recommend sickly naps whenever possible.

3. Listened to a little music.

4. Browsed Reddit.

5. Rediscovered my fascination with YouTube.

Actually, I need to explain this one because I’m pretty sure I’ve never mentioned my love of YouTubes little community they’ve created.

This means I have a habit of falling in love with some particular YouTube videos and then try to watch every known video of said people involved with a particular video. I even find the videos they took in 2007 about their cat’s trip to the vet. It gets a little out of hand.

Why do I do this? I’m mesmerized how some people can create a fun experience for little money and still have thousands or millions of people watch them. It’s what reality T.V. wishes it were. It’s much more real than anything that’s usually put in front of us. Even with people learning about nice cameras and lighting, they still do this for relatively little money. They also manage to be their own content creators.

That’s a freedom I like really like.

I’ll admit this here and now, I have attempted to start a YouTube channel and post videos of silly ideas me and my friends had come up with. We even posted them. They were horrible…but they were fun.

No…you will never see them. Ever.

So instead of rambling on about why I like videos so much, how about I just turn this post into a compilation of my most obsessed over videos from YouTube?

Warning: This is not good.

For all of you who have children, please turn them away. Those with heart conditions you should also steer clear. For those brave enough to press forward, remember, logic and reason have left this post. I’m now going to be irrational in the videos I love. Many of them are just silly and may not seem that funny/interesting to you. Some might even make you cringe with their datedness…if that’s a word…

(I also think this may qualify as a really big guilty pleasure. So…I feel guilty about it…but don’t make me feel any worse than I already do.)

This all really began in 2005/2006 (not long after the creation of YouTube). The first video is of a SNL Digital Short called “Dear Sister.” It was funny to me at the time (still is). Then there were tons of parodies of the same concept and it was remarkable. I think this really set the bar for me because, for whatever reason, the video kept getting pulled from YouTube and that taught me to watch the video tons of times before it’s gone forever.

(If I implant it into my brain, then nobody can remove it. Perfect plan.)

Actually, you can’t even find an official version of the video through NBC or YouTube itself. The only real version I can seem to find is now here…with the service provided by YouTube…

After that came “Old Gregg”, a skit from the comedy troupe The Mighty Boosh. Very weird…very uncomfortable…but that’s what makes it great.

I’M OLD GREEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGG.

Then came a student created unofficial music video for the the band MGMT and their song “Kids.” It’s done really well and probably cost less than $50 to make. The creator is a guy named Jon Salmon and I think he got some friends to wear some make up and sing along to make a hypnotic video.

Kids.

Then came BalloonShop. This silly trio slapped each other with meat, fruits, vegetables as well as taught us all how to eat an Oreo Cookie Sandwich. They later broke up their working relationship but each of them now tries to do their own thing on YouTube.

This particular video almost made me pee myself the first time I watched it.

Shortly after came me (along with millions of others) falling in love with the auto-tuned masterpieces of Schomoyoho. They’re attention to detail and deep hooks in songs allowed us to see the beauty in the “deep” content of YouTube. Who can forget their classic remixes of “hide yo kids“, “backin-up“, and (my personal favorite) “double rainbow all the way“? Nobody, that’s who.

The music theme stays pretty solid here because I noticed the work of Sweetafton23, otherwise known as Molly Lewis. She sings and plays the ukelele. She’s also a gigantic Doctor Who nerd…so more power to her.

Then came MysteryGuitarMan. He’s a mystery. He’s a guitar playing man. He’s also good at making videos that hold your attention as well as make you wonder how people can stay this creative for this long.

This was followed with my deep love of the musical stylings of a band called Pomplamoose. They’re very talented and their videosongs really set them apart from most other YouTubers at the time. Heck I think they started to trend of VideoSongs.

Rapping is clearly ignored in this list. Well, that was until I found out about Epic Rap Battles of History. They’re both being awesome and funny. It’s a win/win.

Recently I have been drawn to the vlogs of two girls named meekakitty and nanalew. They have their own individual channels but they also collaborate quite often on musical projects. These are really impressive “music videos” that I’m sure aren’t expensive to make  but look amazing.

There are tons of other videos/people that I have obsessed over their work before but I just can’t remember them at the moment.

And yes, I know most of these videos are already popular. They don’t need your views. But I’m only posting them because I have watched them many times myself. (Okay, since most are musical I have just ended up playing them and not watching them but you get my point.)

Anyway…this became a very long love letter about YouTube. Sorry about that. Maybe I’ll make up something exciting for tomorrow. Like a post about bookmarks.

Mmm…bookmarks…(could happen)

D.A.