This fella is affectionately known as “One Eye”. 

And, no. I do not own him. Nobody does. With a hardened stare like that nobody can really “own” him. He owns himself. (But my neighbors behind me seem to provide care for him.)

Also, I’ve heard rumor that he goes by the name “Oreo”. I don’t see the resemblance.

I prefer the name One Eye because it’s tough. And, quite clearly, he only has one eye.

I’m pretty creative, huh?

When I look at this mangy backyard power animal I get the sensation that he’s got a story to tell.

A story that’s riddles with action, love, hate, and hours of licking himself clean of the blood of his enemies.

He was probably just like any other cat. A little girl had wanted a kitty and he was the winner. He had the most adorable squeak of a meow and looked like a popular brand name cookie. (I still don’t see the resemblance.)

Everything looked like it would be a nice long life of belly rubs and furballs. Then it all came crashing down.

The little girl got older and grew tired of the little guy. When he lost the affection of that little girl he turned to the grey tabby down the street. She was no good to him. Her constant infidelity drove him to get hooked on “the nip”. Then the bottom fell out.

He was walking the streets and getting into fights all the time. For a while he was the king of the ally. Then, one fateful night, he ended up picking a fight with the wrong kitty.

He lost his pride, his territory, and his right eye…

Then he wandered off into the woods hoping an eagle or an alligator would take his life from him.

But then he stumbled upon my backyard and set up shop.

Okay, I guess I can’t really believe that whole tough guy routine. Especially when he sleeps in an open lawn sprawled out like this…

Come on… he ain’t no tough guy.

Though he is still missing the eye…

There’s a little something I’ve learned about my experiences on the internet.

  • Email = 1% of the internet
  • Video = 1% of the internet
  • Specialized websites = 1% of the internet
  • Cats = 97% of the internet

Thanks to my work here today, that trend will not be changing anytime soon.

D.A.

Gripe #2

March 22, 2012

Since my last post was so successful I’m going to point out a few things that really stick in my craw…

Now, as a note about my previous post, I was serious. Most of the time they are just sad attempts at reaching out. But in some cases they are quite funny. Some of the pun work are pretty good. Everybody who speaks English should at least respect that. It may not bring them in through the door, but at least they may give a little chuckle. And that’s not a bad thing.

Now here is a short(er) list of gripes I have about some not-so-serious topics:

1. Moisture – Come on…when I’m in my house all you do is cause my pages in my books/magazines to wrinkle and help mold to grow in my windows.

Now that I think about it…

2. Mold – Freaking mold…I have that stuff show up in my window at least once a month. It’s like I live in a horror house. My luck I will get a serious disease thanks to this secretive pain…

(Que up the spam folder to fill up with “Prevent Mold in your Home!” messages.)

3. Poptart instructions – Three seconds in the microwave? Three? Are you kidding me? That doesn’t even do anything. Ten seconds minimum.

Now that I think about it…

4. Molten lava from over heated Poptarts – Why must you burn me so?

5. Feral cats –You don’t do anybody any good…You know who you are feral cats…

:::Looks in backyard and shakes fist with rage:::

6.  Slow mail delivery – I gots things to dos. Deliver my mail faster. Like my credit card statement which is strangely not showing up…

7. Fast food – If you advertise to be “fast” with the food you’re delivering…You should, in fact, be fast about it. I live in a town where there is a locally owned fast food restaurant. It’s delicious. It’s delightful. It’s amazingly fattening. It’s also a 20 minute wait at the drive through. Seriously… advertise yourself as “Diner style southern food”. Stop calling yourself fast food.

(Still worth the wait)

8. My own laziness – For obvious reasons. (This explains why I still haven’t earned that doctorate in Quantum Field Theory…)

9. My lack of understanding of Quantum Field Theory – For obvious reasons.

In a totally unrelated note, I may have something super-cool to share with you tomorrow. Maybe.

You have to finish your dinner first though…

D.A.

No Sleep

July 27, 2011

I’m currently with no wireless internet connection. I’m surrounded by 1 turtle, 1 frog, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 30 gecko eggs, and 50 full grown geckos. I’ve only had about 4 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours. Keep in mind that time was not in a consistent manner.

No, I did not ventrure to a compound in the Amazon jungle.

No, I haven’t committed to hiding in a zoo and trying to blog from there.

No, I’m not even that upset about anything that’s happened.

I’m just house sitting. House sitting a house that’s full of animals and no snack food…

Now it’s time for a word of advice about sleep:

Hypothetically speaking. If you are ever asked to do a favor for (let’s say) your aunt, and she just happens to ask you if you’d be willing to drive them to the airport at 3 in the morning. And if you say ‘yes’. Then, for the love of all things that are good and kind in the world, take a nap before you do so.

When in doubt, nap.

Now I’m going to try and get some rest. Sweet, sweet rest.

P.S. The lack of sleep was due to a dog(s) taking a dump and peeing in the bed I was supposed to be sleeping in. I had to sleep on the couch. No fun.

D.A.