And what a total rip!

I paid thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars to a University. (University of Central Florida if you were wondering) and they gave me a printed piece of paper. 8 x 11. Standard copy paper. Not even any raised ink. The weight of the paper is barley heavier than what you print normally at home. It’s also a slight ivory color. OOOOooo. Swanky.

Don’t pretend you’re not jealous…

The fedex cardboard envelope they sent it in was worth more than that lame excuse for a degree.

Wow, I’m really steamed about this.

Can you believe that?

Copy paper!

Not even a letter came saying “Good job, support our college in the future. Here’s some information about alumni associations.” It’s like they said. “Here you go.” and then they just booted me out. Not even a simple handshake and goodbye.

Was I a bad guest? Did I do something wrong? I feel like I’ve been left out on the street corner. At least I know I can buy myself a bottle of windex and clean windshields for money. Hey, I know just the thing to use instead of newspaper…my degree!

Okay. Okay. I’m just steaming here.

To be fair, it’s a big school. There are lots of graduates. It would be very expensive to send out and print high quality degrees. It’s just a little disappointing to get something so… anticlimactic at the end of my academic career. I mean, people dream about earning that piece of paper, and in the end, it’s just a sad piece of paper.

If you were wondering, my degree is a Bachelors of Science: Science Education (Biology Track).

That’s right…future science teacher here. Nerdin’ it up. Awwwww yeah.

And just to be clear, the valuable knowledge I obtained while earning this degree is not the worthless part. The worthless part is the lame piece of paper I got. (I put in this disclaimer just in case any “high up” alumni are reading this.)

Until we meet again,

D.A.

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Ever wonder what would happen if you got punched in the face by a huuuuge dragon?

Well I have.

It would probably suck.

This isn’t due to the fact that dragons are notoriously awesome punchers (which in fact is not a fact). From my experiences, dragons have short front limbs, so the movement of a punch would be difficult for them to achieve. The damage would likely be attributed to the sheer size of the beast. Imagine taking a hit from something that is around 7 stories tall. The mass of it’s arm/leg would be measured in tonnes. That’s just unbearable. Even if you could do 50 push-ups, you still wouldn’t stand a chance…

Consider this as well. Dragons that fight have claws (I read that in last weeks New Yorker Magazine). NOW imagine getting punched by a clawed giant reptile. The scrapes and abrasions would be numerous. He could gouge you.

Plus, there is the danger of Salmonella. Reptiles are covered in that stuff (I went to college). Cuts + Salmonella = Infection City. You’re not bouncing back from that. At best it’s a hospital stay. At worst, well, you’re crushed into a squishy oblivion.

So…my story is coming along. Just the finishing touches are left really…oh, and I’ve made like 3 drafts…sooo…

Don’t worry. If you read the excerpt and didn’t really think it was story-ish enough for you, the whole thing is actually a story. Just a short one. With a pamphlet inside. There’s characters and plot and such.You just got to read the beginning of that pamphlet. It’s complicated I know, but that’s just what I felt like writing. Those things happen from time to time.

Why am I explaining myself?

I should be imagining about dragon punches some more…or better yetmummy dancing.

Shake it Rameses II!

D.A.