The Big Gnus

March 11, 2012

Here’s that news I was preparing you for a few days ago.

Now it’s official:

I have sent two marbles to two different countries! (And maybe even a few more in the coming days)


That’s right. In the matter of a couple of weeks I have put marbles in Sweden, Lebanon, and Australia.

I’m so productive.

:::Pats self on back:::

Still haven’t finished that lamp yet…or that book I’m writing….

:::Mumbles list of other things that have been neglected over time:::

I would love to be able to say that these people have been reading my goals here on this site and have decided to help me out. But the traffic is a little low for trying to take over the world. So I broke down and went to the place that is currently taking over the world. My constant internet companion; Reddit. Reddit has a subreddit for penpals and it looks like I have made a number of penpals through it.

That is all. Carry on.


A list post informing you of the goings ons of things that are, you know, going on.

1. Remember that lamp I was building? Ha! Me too! Yeah, totally not done, but all that really needs to be done is the wiring and trying to find a lamp shade. I have thought about scratching the lamp shade, but I’ve already glued together this thing under the idea of it having a shade. Have you tried pulling apart PVC that’s glued together? Not easy.

2. My contest from many weeks ago was completed and a winner was declared. That winner has informed me that he has received his rewards. No, the reward wasn’t a disembodied head or a small tracking device. It was a marble and some other garbage.

Still, I’ve put a marble in a foriegn country! So, if you live in a country outside of the U.S., Canada, and possibly Brazil, feel free to comment on here and ask for a marble. I’ll send it to you, and then you can enjoy personal time with a very inexpensive marble.

3. I start work on Monday, and I’m pretty nervous. Still, it’s before students show up, so I have time to put things together. It won’t be until Friday that I actually get to go in my classroom. I guess we’ll just wait to see what happens then. (Watch me learn that I’ll be teaching out of an old cardboard box this year).

4. I make the world’s best tuna melts. No joke. I didn’t realize this until last night when I made them. I mean, I knew I made great tuna melts, but last night – wow. THE WORLD”S BEST. I know I can’t convince you that this is true, but allow me to tell you how you would feel after ingesting one of these heavenly creations.

When you take a bite you become overwhelmed. The best feelings in the world come rushing into your mind.

Remember how you feel after a hard day of yard work?

You have been working under the sun for hours on end. The heat is just sweltering. And after all that labor you get to look around and you and see what you’ve accomplished. Pretty flowers of all colors catch your eye, their sweet fragrance filling your nose. The bite of fresh cut grass and potting soil mixing with the summer breeze. You can feel the grit of healthy earth beneath your finger nails.

You then sit down on your porch and look around and notice the little things. Hummingbirds and bees. The dust that is caught in the setting sun. How trees seem to take on a special color of green that you haven’t noticed before. You contemplate the world around you and decide that it could all be forgotten as long as you are allowed to enjoy the peace of your little slice of our planet. Your own secret garden of goodness.

Remember your first kiss?

How nervous you were. The excitement. The rush. During those few seconds, when your lips met theirs, time stood still. You forgot you were standing, not floating. You didn’t even realize that your eyes were closed. Your heart skipped more than a few beats. In that moment you think to yourself, “I wish, of all wishes, this never ends.”

Or how about when you get moments to yourself?

Those cold nights when you’re just alone with a book. Sitting underneath an old quilt that you dragged out of the closet. It smells like mothballs and your grandmother. You remember the old chocolate chip oatmeal cookies she used to make. The way their warmth would hit your belly and cure every wrong.

While under your blanket, you lose yourself in a fictional world. The heat from the fireplace warms your face, its light flickers across the pages and you feel like the book is breathing. Like it has a mind of it’s own. There is no author, no reader, just the story. The vanilla aroma of the pages tickle your nostrils. Every once in a while, you remember the real world and take a sip of your hot cocoa.

There is no meeting tomorrow. No guest to worry about. No family to take care of. You have no plans. You are free to commit to nothing.

The world you care about rests in your hands…


(and that’s just after the first bite).

What’s the secret ingredient?


5. I have a family member who is not doing to well. He is probably going to die soon. It you would like to give him your good thoughts/prayers they would be deeply appreciated.

6. I think I’m going to try and get another short story in before school officially starts back up. I think it will help me relax as well as remember the whole purpose of this blog. I know I don’t write too often on here but I would just like to make sure that I keep trying and working toward my goal. Also, I still expect to write this blog while I’m working, but hey, maybe i’m being an optimist.

And there you go. A six point rundown of things as they stand.

Were there any emotions/experiences I forgot to mention in my wonderful description of my tuna melt sammiches?

You tell me if you got any more.


And The Winner is…..

June 16, 2011

Peter the Poet.

This man was kind enough to participate in my contest, not only once, but twice.

He was also the only human being to participate as well.

So, kudos to you, Peter!


You can find his page Cottonbombs right here. 

I may do a contest again in the future,  but judging from the warm reception of this last attempt, I’ll have to change up how I go about that in the first place. It’s almost as if nobody wanted my lovely gifts…

In a completely unrelated note, me and a buddy saw the movie Super 8 today. Now, I’m not sure what critics and people are really saying about this movie, but I really enjoyed it. It’s sci-fi, fun, and well made. I’m not going to give away any spoilers, but the story is very simple. There really isn’t anything all too deep about the characters. You get what you see.

Usually I would consider this a big downside of a film. I really like complex stories. This one, though, seemed to break that mold for me. Maybe I will be able to look toward the writing in this film and draw some inspiration from the fact that not all stories have to be complex. Sometimes, simple can be good. Maybe all stories are really simple, and I just don’t see it.

So, kudos to you, J.J. Abrams. Now get back to work on the next Star Trek movie. I’ve got an itching to see some Spock ears…

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed your day. Original content will return tomorrow.

D.A. Bancroft





Annnd Stop

June 15, 2011

The “Make Me Laugh” Contest is now over. Finished. Klaar. Finis. τελικού. Ferdig. Terminado. 終了

(You will give a firm internet handshake to you if you can correctly guess all the languages I used right there.)

Thank you to anybody who participated. Thank you to everybody who even reads this message. Thank you for not going up in arms about me not posting for nearly a week.

After this point, I will go away to my research lab and begin processing who’s giggle-factor is bigger. That person will then be declared the winner. That person will then receive my congratulatory message and all will be right with the world. Except those dogs that howl in the middle of the night when I’m try to sleep…

Oh, and that one guy who honked his horn at me while I was driving like a normal and respectable human being. He’s not right in the world either.

Other than that, it will all be good.

And then I will start posting things on here, like a normal person.



The contest continues

June 15, 2011

So, I’ve been in hiding again. 

But that’s okay because I’m back again. No. It was not mutant corn husks this time. I’m just trying to become an adult and get a job.

You know how that goes, it’s kind of time consuming.

Anyway, my contest is still running.

If you have participated, then your odds of winning are extremely high. So far I’ve gotten as many spam comments as I have real comments. I even got a ‘denial of comment’ comment. So I guess that makes it two and a half. If I don’t get beat by the bots then I will consider this a victory.

If you have NOT participated, then get ready. Maybe you’re at work when you’re reading this. Take an early lunch (or just slack off like you usually do) and write a paragraph about something ridiculous. The goal of the contest is to make me laugh, and I’m sure your talented enough to make me of all people giggle. I even laugh when I stub my toe sometimes… You can be funnier than pain, can’t you?

Maybe you’re at home, and bored out of your mind. Since your so creative and you really feel those juices flowing, go ahead and drop me a few lines on my post with my contest. You can find that here. Trust me, the prizes are beyond your wildest dreams.

Hey, you don’t even need to accept the prize, just make me giggle.

So, 12 more hours until somebody becomes the victor. (Not the name “Victor”, but a champion of contest, victor.)

(Actually, I probably won’t declare a victor until that night).

Don’t worry though, the original content will come back online shortly. As a matter of fact, I’ve pretty much written my next post, but will wait until I claim a winner and then we will be firing on all cylinders again!

I shall rise again,



June 10, 2011

Yeah, I’ve got a contest going on. You can read the rules for it in my last post.

Yeah, I just played Diablo II for 3 hours and my eyes are burning. So no “real post” for all of you tonight. Or rather, this morning.

Yeah, It’s an old game and will pale in comparison to Diablo III that will be coming out soon.

Yeah, I’m starting off all my sentences with ‘yeah’.

Yeah, I’m pretty tired while writing this, so that may explain my repetition.

Yeah, I will share some personal opinions about things, but I won’t share my opinion on politics. I’ve got my reasons…

Yeah, I’m not going to wake up until noon today.

Yeah, I may be in jeopardy of missing my goal for writing a story this week.


Wait, no. That’s bad. Okay, bed, and then writing…. after sleep….lots of writing….

In blissful rest,


Really, I’m having a contest to see who can make me giggle.

You in?

Allow me to tempt you further.

The winner of the contest will receive this plethora of incredible and significant objects:

Best Prize Ever?

And there’s more. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

So allow me to explain myself and the rules for the contest. If you don’t want to read the explanation, and want to get right on to the rules for free stuff, then skip the next few paragraphs.

I’ve noticed a very strange theme through all of my stories (all 3 of them).  A lot of my characters seem to die. They usually die in some out of the ordinary manner or circumstance. I do this because I think it’s funny, but there is the chance that I could just be mentally disturbed…

Since death is considered by many people to be a very serious topic, let’s have some fun with it. All you have to do in this contest is tell me a funny story or situation where you are grieving the loss of something silly. You see, crying over your long lost granny is sad. But crying over your ice cube tray named Otis, that died in a tragic skiing accident, is funny. So let’s aim for funny here. Let’s try to make death a “not too serious” problem we can poke fun at.

In return I will give the winner a sympathy card and handwritten note expressing my condolences for your loss as well as the items listed in the picture above. Now here are the rules.

Rules for “In Sympathy” Contest

  1. To enter this contest you must post a comment on this particular post’s comment thread. Your comment must describe a very silly and made up event that would cause you to grieve for a loss of something. Your odds for winning go up if they are in a story form but they don’t have to be. Just be creative. (If you decide to post your story on your own blog, then provide a link to the blog in this comment thread).
  2. It must not be about anything real. It must be SILLY and MADE UP. Remember, we’re going for light hearted fun, not painful reality.
  3. I will pick the winner one week from today. That means you must have your comment posted by 12 p.m. (eastern time) on Wednesday, June 15th, 2011. I will inform the winner via email so I may obtain their mailing address.
  4. You will then win (in no particular order): A card and handwritten note of sympathy for your (very funny and made up) loss. A paper clip. A rubber band. An old guitar pick I don’t use anymore. And a marble of average size and of great importance. (More on the marble on a later date).
  5. No, I will not send you anything creepy or weird (other than the listed things above). No, you may not send me back anything creepy or weird. No, my hand is not included in the contest (even though it was in the photo).
  6. If the winner will not accept the prize, then it will be forwarded to the second place. If they refuse, then third place, etc. If nobody accepts the prize, then I will be happy to keep the marble for myself, and the rest will be destroyed.
  7. If you want to enter multiple times, (I’m not sure why you would), then feel free to do so. Just make sure each one is unique.
  8. Have fun.

Remember, the most creative/silly/made up event will win the contest. This means you can tell me a story or just describe something silly. Take your time with it. Treat it like a writing prompt if you wish. And try to make sure your story makes sense.