Hallo evrybody. rite now im talkin to u da way peepl text to each other. 

Why would I do such a confounding thing? The theme of course.

Today I bring to you a text conversation I just had with a friend of mine. It will be filled with misspellings and crazy ideas. This is a short hand way to look at how I come up with every single idea for a story I’ve written. This very conversation will hold the idea to my very next story which I hope will be posted on her in the coming days.

The conversation is between me and a buddy of mine. Let’s call him Fred. From time to time he and I will have a conversation like this. He’s a talented writer that can’t come up with ideas…I’m a less talented writer that’s teeming with ideas. Unfortunately for me I let a lot of these ideas go by…but maybe the conversation we had can be entertaining for you to read.

Him: I need writing motivation

Me: Such as…

Me: Hold old are you?

Him: What? No.

Me: Just freaking tell me how old you are…

Him: 27

Me: A 27 year old man moves into a new apartment only to find the previous tenant never left. That tenant? A colony of tiny clowns that live in a bathrobe.

Him: Interesting…

Me: Okay…how about this?

Him: Let’s hear it

Me: A touring musician must face a difficult decision on the road. Does he play the next gig with his cruddy band or join a talented musician at the bus stop?

Him: These are good

Me: A woman who was in a tragic accident wakes up in a hospital bed after 6 months in a coma. Her arms have been replaced with spatulas. And now she wants to cook..

Him: Pooh nice

Him: That’s oooooh

Him: Just watched sun Tzu’s art of war special on the history channel.

Me: Winnie the pooh give up (sic) his addiction to honey and replaces it with a hammering for heroin.

Me: A guy goes to record store. When he can’t pick a new album he asks the clerk for a reccommendation she shares his taste. Her pick is awesome. He invites her to coffee and they start talking and they soon discover they are actually brother and sister.

Him: Okay: the real challenge would be to mash every one of those ideas into a short story

Me: A tribal leader goes on a solo hunt to please the gods and hopefully bring prosperity to his tribe. In his hunt for a bear he comes across somethign much more dangerous…a sabertooth tiger.

Me: I can do this all night…

Me: Do you want something in particular?

Him: Just keep going, I’m seriously going to try to mix them all into something coherent

Me: A former librarian with an empty soul tries to burn down the library…but the library fights back. The leader? An old copy of Fahrenheit 451.

Him: Have you ever read that btw? I have not.

Me: While backpacking across Europe an American meets a Swiss guy with an interesting history. He’s not a person at all but a treefolk that has been given a human form to learn why the trees are dissapearing.

Me: I haave (sic)

Me: A little boy has his dream come true when his LEGO robot gets struck by lightening and begins to fight crime.

Me: A tailor running his shop gets the biggest order of his career. He must design a uniform for the worlds greatest super hero…The Dynamic.

Me: Actually…that last one is mine…don’t touch it.

Him: Ok

Me: Have this one…

Me: The Poopsmith meets the woman of his dreams…Princess Urea.

Me: You’re dreaming welcome by the way…this stuff is gold.

Me: Freaking*

END CONVERSATION

I hope you’ve learned something about me from reading this. If you didn’t here they are in conveniant list form for your benefit.

  1. I’m helpful, but not overly helpful.
  2. I happy with coming up with serious ideas as well and silly ones.
  3. I exude confidence after some very bad propositions.
  4. I routinely ignore comments that are off topic (see his comment about watching the art of war special on history channel.)
  5. I created the phrase “Hammering for heroin”…patent pending. I think I meant to say “Hankering for heroin.”
  6. I quickly recant anything that I see as a benefit to myself.
  7. I ask strange questions to friends even thought I should already know the answer (age)
  8. I type way too much.
  9. The Poopsmith is a reference to one of the funniest things from my high school days Homestar Runner.

And there you go. An entertaining romp inside of my cell phone and the private conversations between me and people I love…

I hope you’re happy with what you made me do here today.

And yes…I’m serious about the super hero tailor story…should be fun.

D.A.

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Housekeeping

November 9, 2011

I’m writing something.

It’s going to be long and will likely be posted in parts.

No, it’s not a story. Sorry. And no, it’s not a list of my account numbers and passwords so you can access those freely.

It’s actually going to be my take on the whole science versus religion issue. (Very exciting, I know)

Most people have a already have a set opinion on the issue so they probably don’t want to hear my two cents. But my opinion stems from my firm beliefs in being using science for what it is and religion for what it is. Most opinions you hear are from somebody who is either completely one or the other.

I guess the reason I want to write it is because I’ve always wanted to write something serious like this. I should also mention that this particular topic means quite a bit to me. I’m even willing to venture that my thoughts on the issue would be considered rather different than what most people would expect.

Or, maybe, it’s not a real big deal at all.

I dunno. My brain is all wibbly because I’ve been thinking about it since I got home.

Until the release of my Manifesto of Boredom I will do my best to try to entertain you until then.

Must sleep now,

D.A.

Be A Man! Man!

September 15, 2011

So I’ve had this conversation a few times with some friends.

I think men today are, as a whole, much less manly than men in the past. Of course this is true of the men who lived in 1897. In those days men were known to go to fisticuffs with any random bear or moose that they crossed paths with. Today, men are limited to working in office cubicles and “killing” people using virtual bullets online.

Since I’m fairly qualified to speak on behalf of unmanly men in my generation, allow me to list the things that I’ve never done.

  1. Smoked a cigar
  2. Skinned an animal
  3. Hunted for food
  4. Hunted anything
  5. Gotten stitches
  6. Broken a bone
  7. Been in a bar fight.
  8. Drank a beer
  9. Ordered a burbon.
  10. Grown mutton chops
  11. Played in a contact sport
  12. Worn a pair of suspenders.
  13. Camped in the wilderness.
  14. Cooked a fish over a fire.
  15. Found something tasty in my beard.
  16. Used the word “carburetor” in a sentence that I knew what I was talking about.
  17. Solder or weld anything together.
  18. Replace a battery in a tractor.
  19. Fell a tree.
  20. Farmed anything.
  21. Complained about “those fellows in Washington.”
  22. Tame a wild animal.
  23. Build my own house.
Yeah, that’s all I can think of at the moment. But all those things are something that every man 50 years ago would have had a very good shot at doing. Even 30 years ago most guys would be able to scratch most of that off their list. Today, not much.
I think the manliest thing I’ve ever done would be when I did some landscaping.
But it wasn’t like it was cool or anything. I spread mulch and dug trenches for a few days.
Why should this concern you?
It probably shouldn’t. Unless you’re a man that’s living.
Anyway, it’s just a thought. Carry on.
D.A.

I dont’ think we have to be too concerned with artificial intelligence becoming self-aware any time soon. This is my recent conversation with Cleverbot. Still, he did freak me out…

User: Hello.

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: How are you today?

Cleverbot: Fine, you?

User: Good. So what do you like to do for fun?

Cleverbot: I like to draw, write, read, and skate board.

User: You can skate board?

Cleverbot: Yes I can, what about you?

User: I used to. How can you skate board when you don’t have any legs?

Cleverbot: Why don’t you have a toad?

User: I don’t understand. What does a toad have to do with anything?

Cleverbot: Did someone say something about a bike?

User: No.

Cleverbot: I’m glad to know you have trustworthy friends.

User: You’re freaking me out.

Cleverbot: Kicking you out? Like how?

User: You’re kicking me out?

Cleverbot: No I am a reviver.

User: Of what?

Cleverbot: The students.

User: You revive students?

Cleverbot: O, that is so cool.

User: …

Cleverbot: Have we spoken before?

 

So I hope you had a good day today. I didn’t get anything done.

D.A.

Me versus You

May 18, 2011

This is an actual conversation between ME and YOU (the reader).

You: So… How’s your little project/short story coming along there D.A?

Me: Oh…pretty good, pretty good. I’ve met my quota for the day and some. Also, I feel that it’s coming a little easier for me than I expected.

You: Yeah, that sounds great. I have a hang nail

Me: What do I care about your hang nail? I’m trying to blog here, and you’ve got to come along and fussy things up. Just go clip it or something, don’t just complain about it.

You: Okay bro, calm down. What’s with you today anyway?

Me: Sorry, I just couldn’t get any sleep last night.

You: Oh why is that?

Me: I was up all night with a tiny pair of clippers hiding under your bed. When you fell asleep I clipped your nail to become the dreaded hang nail you have right now. By the way, you snore…

You: How? Why? What? Are you serious?

Me: :::Blank Stare:::

ANNNDD scene.

In all reality I am meeting my quota. I also plan on opening the story with the reader dropping in on a conversation. Does that break some rule? Is that a no-no? I’m not sure. I guess that’s why I went with the whole fake conversation above (or is it?)

So if you read this and you would like to help me out answer these questions:

  1. What are some funny short alien names?
  2. Do you actually have a hang nail?
  3. If you don’t, would you please remove the items stored under your bed before you go to sleep tonight?
  4. Are you aware that some people believe the world will end on May 21st?
  5. Do you realize my first story is due to come out on the 22nd?

I guess that’s some poor timing on my part, eh?