Nevermind

April 2, 2012

Jessie quit.

Just like that she just up and left. It’s a real dissapointment. That means I will cancel my whole book deal and have gotten my job back as a teacher. The book is being pushed back indefinently. Sorry to disappoint all of you like that. Maybe next year.

Also, I’m not really named Philip Dalton. Or was it spelled Phillip? I don’t really know. It’s not my name…

So I’m back here running things. So let’s just pretend nothing even happened yesterday. Deal?

Let’s start of the month by showing you all another one of my goodies that I have received from my Marbles-Round-the-World project. (You really need to come up with a catchy and easy-to-say name for this project, cause’ I’m no good at it.) Today we will look at a marble that I sent to Malaysia.

CHA-CHING! That’s money in the bank! (Okay, it has nothing to do with money, but that’s just what came out…)

This little guy traveled further than any other marble thus far. It now has a lovely view of some very lovely buildings that are all stuck in perpetual winter of what seems to be glitter. A real sight to behold.

In other news,  I had a dream about taking a plane trip to Canada. I didn’t have a passport so they held me and kicked me out of the country. Luckily for me the plane had landed just inside the Canadian border. And I mean just inside. Like 50 feet from the border.

Weird…

Right now I’ve got a writing prompt to work on…so… go do something cool.

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For the Doubters

March 16, 2012

The fruits of my labor.

:::Takes deep and satisfying breath:::

The marble I have sent to Sweden has officially made it’s debut. The photos you see are courtesy of a Swede named Alba. (I think this would make a very good band name). She’s both a Viking and a ninja. That mixture means she is capable of a lot.

As a matter of fact, you should check out her site at http://elarra.tumblr.com/.

She has sent me some photos that I am allowed to share with you.

Check it out.

And another.

Yeah. That’s a marble on a frozen lake. And yeah, it’s thousands of miles away from where I live.

And just in case you are still doubting. I live in Florida. We don’t have many frozen lakes. So there.

:::Sticks out tongue:::

I’m so proud of this little marble. When he was growing up he was always talking about “making something of himself.” His father, the Marble King, had always treated him poorly. Even in front of distinguished guests.

Well I guess he finally got up the courage to take flight and leave the nest. He now resides under that very bridge in Sweden. (Only rarely does he complain of the troll neighbor).

Okay, none of that is true. Really though. Look at that. I sent a marble to Sweden and it actually made it.

I’ve sent out a number of marbles as of today and I hope I get photos that are half as awesome as these two.

Thanks again to Alba for allowing me to show the photos of my first marble to the European continent!

I guess this is as good of a time as any to inform you of the new page I’ve added to the side bar thingy over there —–>

It’s called “Marbles”, appropriately enough, and it will keep a running tab of the marbles I sent around the world. (As I get more pictures and goodies I’ll share those with you on that part as well.)

I should also mention that I am currently on Spring Break. And we all know what that means.

NAKED. ALL. THE. TIME.

Just kidding.

It means I will start to go stir crazy as I try to figure out what I’m going to do over the vacation period. Unlike most people, I don’t make plans too often, so I just end up doing whatever pops up. I will start to lose it when I realize I have nothing planned…and…I will get bored…

This brings up an odd point about vacation, but I’ll speak on that at a different time. For now I just want you to bask in the fruits of my labor. (That labor includes writing emails/letters/buying envelopes. Not much work really).

Still, it’s so cool.

I should also mention that the ramblings on this site should be picking up in quality and topic over the next…9 days…Because my job will become doing this. I will be living off of my laptop for social interaction.

Which brings up another topic about me being a introvert… but that’ll likely be another post sometime…

Maybe I’ll finish that lamp…Or that explanation of my views of religion and science…or that choose your own adventure novel…

Oh yeah…I guess I could write for my own book as well…

I guess we’ll just see what actually happens around here.

Now continue basking!

D.A.

News Gnus

March 7, 2012

I may have some cool news soon.

Maybe.

Possibly.

Not so cool it’s cold.

If it’s too cold then it wouldn’t be very cold. It would seem heartless and pointless (much like this post). It would also be a very sad thing indeed. And then the news wouldn’t be interesting.

And I can’t possibly give you hot news. Even if that news is fresh and well made…it’s gross to call it hot. And lukewarm comes across as disconcerting.

You know what? I’ll just stick with news.

I may have some cool news for you soon.

It will be new.

It will not be a Gnu.

This is a Gnu.

Any questions?

D.A.

Yes…this was a lazy post…so what.

Flipin’ Friday

March 2, 2012

So…I did something pretty cool today. I actually became one step closer in my goal of trying to put a marble in every country around the world.

BOOOOYAH!

Freakin’ Sweden shall possess one of my marbles! The land of ice/Ikea/friendly people/LARPers/and a king that will likely get some strange mail very shortly.

How did this marble end up over there? I sort of met a Swede here on the internets. For some reason they thought it would be a good idea to support my cause (Which really isn’t a cause at all).

So…I guess the marble list has crossed off Canada, the United States, and Sweden. That’s 193 more to go.

Things are looking good.

I can’t help but notice that you’re contemplating something…

It … it… it seems that you’re wondering about this odd goal. If you’re kind of new to this blog you may not have heard this before. Well…I have a goal to put a marble on every continent on the planet…Lofty goal, I know, but I might as well try.

Nothing special about the marble. It’s just a marble. Made from cheap glass. I think it cost me a dollar for 100 of them. But the idea of putting something so tiny and worthless in places that could make them kind of important is a really cool thought to me.

And that’s really all there is to that.

It…seems….that you also want to participate… Interesting… I will have to help you do that.

If you live in a strange and far away land (other than one of those listed above) and would like to receive a very not-special marble from a very not-special person…then do I have a deal for you!

Then send me a very non-creepy email…and we’ll talk about it. If you don’t freak me out way too much…Maybe we can give you a marble. What’s my email? Oh, well… you should click the ‘about me’ section of this blog and find out.

D.A.

P.S. – I’ve actually posted on here for 5 days straight…Will he meet his goal by sticking with it through the weekend? Stay tuned to find out.

The weekends seem the time in my life that leads me to make creative decisions. Poster framing, building lamps, scrap-booking, they all seem like creative outlets that only appear on the weekends for me.

Okay, I’m lying about the scrapbooking. I just needed another word to fit in that sentence to make it feel better…

Well add another creative outlet to the list.

I am unofficially the official winner of the 3rd anual Pumpkin Carving Contest held at my friend’s house.

And this claim would not be complete without a little photographic evidence of my mad carving skills.

 

And now with a little more mood lighting.

What’s the secret to my insanely developed pumpkin carving abilities?

Hitting the gym. All the time. Eat, sleep, gym, repeat.

Okay, that’s a lie too. The real truth?

Very sharp pearing knives and crappy flexable steak knives. One should also have a little creative know-how (and by little I mean verrrry little) and approach the project with a sense of dignity and respect for the soon to be gutted pumpkin.

I would even like to consider myself more of a “pumpkin purist”, if you will allow me to say so. I usually don’t go for any fancy techniques because I prefer the old fashioned jack ‘o lantern. Just a big grin and some triangle eyes. That’s the kind of person I am. But not this year. I needed to change things up if I wanted the “W”.

Background for the competition?

Well, a friend was having a little get together at his house and decided there was going to be a pumpkin carving contest. And really, the only people who would be at this party are couples. I guess he just figured it would be a good thing for boyfriends/girlfriends and husbands/wives to compete against other couples. Everybody could bond with their significant other while at the same time have fun meeting new people. A real romantic romp.

But that’s not D.A.’s territory. Like I mentioned before, I’m sort of… not… uh… dating…

Since I’m a loner and am always willing to step on people’s toes, I threw my hat in the ring anyway and immediately decided to win the competition.

So, I did the first thing that every red-blooded American should do before any competition that is hardly a contest at all.

I talked crap. Like a boss.

I told everybody that they might as well not even try to compete with me because I was practically already the winner. This really helped me hype up my pumpkin well before it was even purchased or planned. Point one for me. I was in their minds.

The next points were scored when I decided to use cheesy special effects on my pumpkin. I purchased some Flarp gooey children’s toy and decided that would be my pumpkin’s “saliva”. (I figured many people would try for the throwing up pumpkin gag, so I needed to be a little different). The really nice thing was that the Flarp was kind enough to stay in place while still allowing a good amount of drool to occur.

Victory was surly mine.

But just in case you don’t believe me (and I know you all trust me to the fullest extent that you possibly can) check out my competition.

See what I mean? pumpkin guts vomit. Sooooo overplayed.

Bug eyes and pumpkin guts… No surprises here…

Yes, that pumpkin has corn in his possession…He also has a creepy evil clown feel to him.

Pi… Yeah, I get it. Took me a second, but Pi. Pumpkin. Pumpkin Pie…

Wait a second… What do you mean you don’t think these pumpkins are all that bad? Are you telling me you think these are better than my own?

WHA- WHAT?!?!

How can you say that? What are you talking about?

Mine had slime! Slime for goodness sake!

Pi? Pumpkin Pi? Oh, sure, that’s got a little wit in it. And it was carved quite nicely. And it even has a nice proportions… but no! Mine was better!

And yeah… so what if my pumpkin comes across as a little… boring. I’m a purist. And the judges were purists… so there…

I still win. That’s all that matters.

I see your judging eyes, you think you got a better pumpkin than me? Prove it! Write a post or something that displays your pumpkin carving skills and we’ll see who’s really boss. Post a link to it in the comments.

Or don’t. You probably won’t. But … you know… just some friendly competition.

Sincerely,

D.A. “The Pumpkin King” Bancroft

Really, I’m having a contest to see who can make me giggle.

You in?

Allow me to tempt you further.

The winner of the contest will receive this plethora of incredible and significant objects:

Best Prize Ever?

And there’s more. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

So allow me to explain myself and the rules for the contest. If you don’t want to read the explanation, and want to get right on to the rules for free stuff, then skip the next few paragraphs.

I’ve noticed a very strange theme through all of my stories (all 3 of them).  A lot of my characters seem to die. They usually die in some out of the ordinary manner or circumstance. I do this because I think it’s funny, but there is the chance that I could just be mentally disturbed…

Since death is considered by many people to be a very serious topic, let’s have some fun with it. All you have to do in this contest is tell me a funny story or situation where you are grieving the loss of something silly. You see, crying over your long lost granny is sad. But crying over your ice cube tray named Otis, that died in a tragic skiing accident, is funny. So let’s aim for funny here. Let’s try to make death a “not too serious” problem we can poke fun at.

In return I will give the winner a sympathy card and handwritten note expressing my condolences for your loss as well as the items listed in the picture above. Now here are the rules.

Rules for “In Sympathy” Contest

  1. To enter this contest you must post a comment on this particular post’s comment thread. Your comment must describe a very silly and made up event that would cause you to grieve for a loss of something. Your odds for winning go up if they are in a story form but they don’t have to be. Just be creative. (If you decide to post your story on your own blog, then provide a link to the blog in this comment thread).
  2. It must not be about anything real. It must be SILLY and MADE UP. Remember, we’re going for light hearted fun, not painful reality.
  3. I will pick the winner one week from today. That means you must have your comment posted by 12 p.m. (eastern time) on Wednesday, June 15th, 2011. I will inform the winner via email so I may obtain their mailing address.
  4. You will then win (in no particular order): A card and handwritten note of sympathy for your (very funny and made up) loss. A paper clip. A rubber band. An old guitar pick I don’t use anymore. And a marble of average size and of great importance. (More on the marble on a later date).
  5. No, I will not send you anything creepy or weird (other than the listed things above). No, you may not send me back anything creepy or weird. No, my hand is not included in the contest (even though it was in the photo).
  6. If the winner will not accept the prize, then it will be forwarded to the second place. If they refuse, then third place, etc. If nobody accepts the prize, then I will be happy to keep the marble for myself, and the rest will be destroyed.
  7. If you want to enter multiple times, (I’m not sure why you would), then feel free to do so. Just make sure each one is unique.
  8. Have fun.

Remember, the most creative/silly/made up event will win the contest. This means you can tell me a story or just describe something silly. Take your time with it. Treat it like a writing prompt if you wish. And try to make sure your story makes sense.