Hallo evrybody. rite now im talkin to u da way peepl text to each other. 

Why would I do such a confounding thing? The theme of course.

Today I bring to you a text conversation I just had with a friend of mine. It will be filled with misspellings and crazy ideas. This is a short hand way to look at how I come up with every single idea for a story I’ve written. This very conversation will hold the idea to my very next story which I hope will be posted on her in the coming days.

The conversation is between me and a buddy of mine. Let’s call him Fred. From time to time he and I will have a conversation like this. He’s a talented writer that can’t come up with ideas…I’m a less talented writer that’s teeming with ideas. Unfortunately for me I let a lot of these ideas go by…but maybe the conversation we had can be entertaining for you to read.

Him: I need writing motivation

Me: Such as…

Me: Hold old are you?

Him: What? No.

Me: Just freaking tell me how old you are…

Him: 27

Me: A 27 year old man moves into a new apartment only to find the previous tenant never left. That tenant? A colony of tiny clowns that live in a bathrobe.

Him: Interesting…

Me: Okay…how about this?

Him: Let’s hear it

Me: A touring musician must face a difficult decision on the road. Does he play the next gig with his cruddy band or join a talented musician at the bus stop?

Him: These are good

Me: A woman who was in a tragic accident wakes up in a hospital bed after 6 months in a coma. Her arms have been replaced with spatulas. And now she wants to cook..

Him: Pooh nice

Him: That’s oooooh

Him: Just watched sun Tzu’s art of war special on the history channel.

Me: Winnie the pooh give up (sic) his addiction to honey and replaces it with a hammering for heroin.

Me: A guy goes to record store. When he can’t pick a new album he asks the clerk for a reccommendation she shares his taste. Her pick is awesome. He invites her to coffee and they start talking and they soon discover they are actually brother and sister.

Him: Okay: the real challenge would be to mash every one of those ideas into a short story

Me: A tribal leader goes on a solo hunt to please the gods and hopefully bring prosperity to his tribe. In his hunt for a bear he comes across somethign much more dangerous…a sabertooth tiger.

Me: I can do this all night…

Me: Do you want something in particular?

Him: Just keep going, I’m seriously going to try to mix them all into something coherent

Me: A former librarian with an empty soul tries to burn down the library…but the library fights back. The leader? An old copy of Fahrenheit 451.

Him: Have you ever read that btw? I have not.

Me: While backpacking across Europe an American meets a Swiss guy with an interesting history. He’s not a person at all but a treefolk that has been given a human form to learn why the trees are dissapearing.

Me: I haave (sic)

Me: A little boy has his dream come true when his LEGO robot gets struck by lightening and begins to fight crime.

Me: A tailor running his shop gets the biggest order of his career. He must design a uniform for the worlds greatest super hero…The Dynamic.

Me: Actually…that last one is mine…don’t touch it.

Him: Ok

Me: Have this one…

Me: The Poopsmith meets the woman of his dreams…Princess Urea.

Me: You’re dreaming welcome by the way…this stuff is gold.

Me: Freaking*

END CONVERSATION

I hope you’ve learned something about me from reading this. If you didn’t here they are in conveniant list form for your benefit.

  1. I’m helpful, but not overly helpful.
  2. I happy with coming up with serious ideas as well and silly ones.
  3. I exude confidence after some very bad propositions.
  4. I routinely ignore comments that are off topic (see his comment about watching the art of war special on history channel.)
  5. I created the phrase “Hammering for heroin”…patent pending. I think I meant to say “Hankering for heroin.”
  6. I quickly recant anything that I see as a benefit to myself.
  7. I ask strange questions to friends even thought I should already know the answer (age)
  8. I type way too much.
  9. The Poopsmith is a reference to one of the funniest things from my high school days Homestar Runner.

And there you go. An entertaining romp inside of my cell phone and the private conversations between me and people I love…

I hope you’re happy with what you made me do here today.

And yes…I’m serious about the super hero tailor story…should be fun.

D.A.

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The Younger Me

August 28, 2011

Today I remembered something about myself when I was just a wee lad. 

I was freaking cute.

I was also keeping the future in mind…

Star Wars fandom took over my life at a relatively young age. I remember seeing my dad watch The Empire Strikes Back back when I was around 7 or 8. It was the battle of Hoth scene, and I remember thinking, “Woah, this is super cool.” After that my friend Bobby let me come over to his house and play with his “aliens” that were characters from the Star Wars films.

Then Bobby let me borrow one of his Star Wars toys to take over to my house. It was all over after that.

It was like a drug. I needed more. Much more.

I would go to the store with my mom and always beg for an action figure. It didn’t always work, but when it did, I felt like I was assembling the worlds greatest collection of awesome toys ever. The scale of my collection really isn’t anything to sneeze at, it’s quite good and was meticulously taken care of, but it also served another purpose in my life.

I honestly can’t remember if I’ve shared this on the blog or not. (So if I have, I apologize for repeating myself, but there are so many posts on here by now that I have no real idea what I have/haven’t said about my life)

But my brother was a high demand special needs child. He always needed attention to make sure he was doing good. If he ended up in a bad mood he could harm himself or others. He was also prone to having serious seizures, so we always needed to keep checking on him to make sure we knew if one occurred.

As a kid I understood full well what that meant. It meant that I would have to entertain myself as best as I could because my parents were quite busy taking care of Todd (we’ll just say that’s my brother’s name).

This explains why I watched T.V., movies, played video games, and fiddled with toys all the time. If I was home, I needed to be in my room. Todd couldn’t play with my toys because he would likely destroy them. (He would also drool all over them and they would get super icky.) He was also much larger and stronger than me, so if he decided that he didn’t want me to be around him, he could physically dominate me. So, me alone in my room was the safest and most fun place I could spend my time.

So, back on topic. 

I spent a lot of time in my room playing with Star Wars action figures. And when I moved to Florida from Georgia I made friends with many more kids that loved Star Wars. My collection expanded to not only action figures, but MicroMachines and assorted items as well. Then one day my enjoyment took a strange turn.

I thought about how these toys may one day be worth money. I think I saw one of my neighbors collection those 12″ G.I. Joes. They were nicely displayed and kept in the boxes and I figured the same had to be true for Star Wars toys. If their toys were important…so were mine. Star Wars was waaaay cooler than G.I. Joe anyway.

And I began collecting and amassing toys that were still in their packaging. I proudly displayed them on my wall. I would routinely make sure they were dusted and unaffected by anything that would potentially affect their value. I used thumb tacks and pin them to my wall. The tack would then but used as a hanger to slip the packaging onto. (I never punctured the packaging at all.)

I even had toys in boxes that I really wanted to play with. Still, I held out. The whole packaging issue became so important to me that I eventually started keeping the packaging of toys that I decided to open. It just felt wrong to get rid of it. Even if the price was now nearly worthless because the package was open.

This continued until I was around 13.

I stopped collecting and didn’t feel as proud about my mint conditioned Star Wars action figures. I guess I was growing up. Or maybe I was told that I need to clean out my closet or something.

Then the day came when I decided that I needed to put them away. They needed to be put into the closet with my Jurassic Park, Power Rangers, and Batman toys. They were going to be officially retired.

As I was putting them into boxes I started to think about time. All the time that it took for me to collect these things. All the time that they spent on my wall. All the time that I missed out on playing with these guys. But then I realized that I didn’t even play with my opened packed toys anymore… so why should these be any different.

I might as well throw them away.

I found a whole mess of packaging with no toys inside. It was just garbage. It had no value at all. So I decided to throw it away. Then I found some of those silly little toys. Maybe it was from Taco Bell in a kids meal or something. And I threw those away. I even grabbed a few opened action figures and thought about throwing them away…

But then I said to myself something along these lines. “Maybe I will want to play with these later. When I grow up I might want to sell them when I get into college. Maybe I’ll still think they’re cool and will find a better way to show them off. Hey, I can even get a job one day and I can start buying more.”

But none of those reasons seemed to be really feasible. I didn’t’ really think I would keep a hold of them for much longer.

Then it hit me.

What if I have kids and they want to have some cool toys?

In that moment I decided that I needed to do it because of them. Just in case they had a brother like Todd that needed a lot of care they would have some cool toys to hang on their wall. They could even play with them if they wanted to.

I would let them open the package. If they wanted to. I would still tell them they should not open it, but if they really wanted to they could.

And that’s the really cool thing about my young self I remembered today. I was thinking about my future children having my Star Wars collection.

I’m not sure if that is more nerdy than cute but I’m still pretty happy about it.

I just hope I find a wife who’s okay with me moving my boxes Star Wars junk into our first home.

If she asks me why I still keep these toys, I’ll just smile and say, “What if our kids want to have cool toys?

Still making flying sound effects with my mouth,

D.A.

Me versus You

May 18, 2011

This is an actual conversation between ME and YOU (the reader).

You: So… How’s your little project/short story coming along there D.A?

Me: Oh…pretty good, pretty good. I’ve met my quota for the day and some. Also, I feel that it’s coming a little easier for me than I expected.

You: Yeah, that sounds great. I have a hang nail

Me: What do I care about your hang nail? I’m trying to blog here, and you’ve got to come along and fussy things up. Just go clip it or something, don’t just complain about it.

You: Okay bro, calm down. What’s with you today anyway?

Me: Sorry, I just couldn’t get any sleep last night.

You: Oh why is that?

Me: I was up all night with a tiny pair of clippers hiding under your bed. When you fell asleep I clipped your nail to become the dreaded hang nail you have right now. By the way, you snore…

You: How? Why? What? Are you serious?

Me: :::Blank Stare:::

ANNNDD scene.

In all reality I am meeting my quota. I also plan on opening the story with the reader dropping in on a conversation. Does that break some rule? Is that a no-no? I’m not sure. I guess that’s why I went with the whole fake conversation above (or is it?)

So if you read this and you would like to help me out answer these questions:

  1. What are some funny short alien names?
  2. Do you actually have a hang nail?
  3. If you don’t, would you please remove the items stored under your bed before you go to sleep tonight?
  4. Are you aware that some people believe the world will end on May 21st?
  5. Do you realize my first story is due to come out on the 22nd?

I guess that’s some poor timing on my part, eh?