One Of My Strangest Fears

September 28, 2011

There have been so many situations in my life where I have become stricken with deep fear.

Riding that roller coaster (never again), riding a ski-lift, being left alone at the mall by my mom (probably on purpose), meeting Barney the Dinosaur at that same mall… There are all kinds of moments. But one moment seems to pop up more often than I would prefer (like I would prefer to keep running into Barney, right?)

It’s a fear that causes me to stop all rational thought and panic. It’s a fear that I speak about only in hushed whispers. It’s a fear that makes me feel like I have some deep-seeded emotions that I haven’t yet discovered.

So I might as well make a blog post about it. Then some psychopath will find out who I am, kidnap me, drug me, and make me perform tasks associated with my fear for his entertainment. A-la Saw.

I have a real fear of my teeth falling out.

Allow me to make a distinction. No, I don’t expect to find myself walking into a dentist’s office with all of my teeth in a cup of milk (not sure if this works or not) because I tried chewing a Jawbreaker. And no, I don’t think my teeth are rotting away and will eventually fall out. (I keep imaging something along the lines of meth mouth.)

(Word to the wise: If you Google search ‘meth mouth’ you will see some very disturbing things. View at your own risk.)

Since this usually happens in the morning I always end up freaking out more than I should. My brain isn’t working quite right yet. Feelings are a little distorted at that time of the day. There are still occasions where this has happened during the day, when I’m more than awake, but these are quite rare. It usually involves me mistakenly chewing on a fork or something.

I should also preface this description with an explanation of a habit of mine. I am always using my tongue to feel my teeth. It’s constant. When I’m not doing anything, I’m feeling my front right bottom incisor tooth. I have this little sharp part that I imagine I’m sanding down over time. (In all reality I’m probably just scraping up my tongue, but no matter.)

When I was younger I did this in a much more obvious manner. I might use my fingers or chewing gum to make marks of how big my teeth had grown (after I lost my baby teeth of course.)

I guess the habit just stuck over the years.

And before your imagination runs away with this very private detail of my life, I don’t do it in an obvious way. I do it with my mouth closed and it can’t been seen. (I’m certain it can’t be seen.) So don’t go thinking that I stand there talking to people with my mouth agape and you see my teeth getting lashed.

Anyway! 

I usually wake up with the notion that I haven’t had incisors for the past 3 years. They have been taken out for some…experiment or something. Then I run my tongue over my teeth for a few seconds and actually feel gaps! Oh no! It’s like my brain is pulling one over on me. Then when I start to panic and look around on my bedspread for my teeth. I don’t find them. Then I end up reaching into my mouth with my hand only to be relieved that they are still there.

You win again Brain…

I’m sure none of you wanted to learn this about me today.

I’m also sure some of you have run your tongue over your teeth while reading this.

Are they all there? Anything missing? Did you count? Find any sharp points?

Oh, in a related note, I sometimes get the sensation that my teeth are “loose”. As in not in the proper positions and have shifted. I can then poke them and it feels like they are swaying side to side. Then I eat something and the sensation disappears. Weird stuff, I know.

So, since I shared some odd habits/details of my life, now it’s your turn.

Do you have any strange fears? Funny habits? Odd thoughts? 

Just checked his teeth again,

D.A.

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