Words To Live By

March 6, 2012

Here are a few words I have always found to be helpful in my life. These are based on years of experience and knowledge. I would dare say they are wise words.

1. You always feel better after you clean it up.

This could apply to almost any messy situation. Cluttered desk at work? Tidy up. You’ll feel so much more organized and productive afterwards. Have you said something to offend somebody? Talk to them and figure out what you can do to make it up to them. Or just simply ask for forgiveness. This usually makes you feel like a better person. Found an old half-eaten sandwich under your bed? Pitch it and scrub down the infected area. You’ll most certainly feel better knowing that there is no longer a cesspool of evil hiding under your bed.

2. Treat all free things in life like they’re a invincibility star in Super Mario. 

Honestly. If you get something for free, use it to it’s fullest extent. Don’t let those things pass you by. Don’t let them serve no purpose. They are gifts. Treat them as such. There is nothing worse than getting a invincibility star and you just stand there, only to be killed as soon as it runs out. Make it all worth your time.

3. Never drink and entire 6 pack of Yoohoo.

The consequences are…dire. I don’t think I need to go into much more detail about this. But let me just say, I haven’t made this mistake again since the last time when I was 4 years old.

4. Always keep a bottle of Pepto-Bismol around.

For those dire situations…

5. Despite what people say, life does have a rewind button.

Just sometimes that button is broken. So you have to pull out the tape and and rewind it by hand. Maybe you even have to use a pencil eraser.

6. If somebody asks you a question, your default answer should always be “gravy” or “shoop”.

Why? Because you catch them off guard. Then you can bombard them with total nonsense and maybe they’ll leave you alone. Maybe you can cut right back into casual conversation and they will fee like they’re going crazy. As soon as you catch them off balance you can mentally trip them up…or ever physically, if you’re that mean.



Mittens Does It Again

March 5, 2012

I saw that relative today who just happens to have a blog as well. I’m sure you remember me mentioning her.

Now, she said some things that got me both very interested and a little confused. Maybe you can help me out.

In short, she follows around her husband who is a professional athlete. The blog covers this subject. Since he’s not in a sport that really makes big money, they are living very meager lives. They had talked to each other about how she could start seeing some income due to the traffic on her blog.

1. She mentioned how she didn’t expect to see any money from her blog “for a few years”

This is possible? We can make money doing this?

I know asking this reveals one of two things. It shows that I am really slow on picking up on things considering the number of months I’ve done this, or it shows that she has no idea what she is saying despite her very limited experiences blogging.

During this time period I have never once heard of or noticed anything about people getting paid for their work on their own blogs. There is no advertising…right? Maybe WordPress itself is advertising on the blog…but other than that…nothing. So how can you see money from a blog?

I would even understand that you may be able to work for a blog. One that is large enough and needs many different writers could realistically receive enough traffic to pay some money to their writers. Still, I don’t see any ads anywhere. So where is the revenue coming from?

I personally thought this idea was totally wrong but what do I know? Can you get paid for running your own little blog on WordPress?

Had she been running her own website and allowed for advertising on this website…I could totally understand. But…a WordPress blog? I think not.

The more I think about it…I don’t even remember how giving any real personal information to WordPress. So how on this planet would I get a check?

2. She mentioned how she didn’t want to post “too often” because she only wanted to publish things that were of good quality. 

I think she’s a fine writer. I think that idea makes total sense. She only wants to put out things she can be proud of. What’s wrong with that? That’s an admirable quality.

I’m not a very good writer.* and I post pretty regularly. (I even recently challenged myself to make sure I post every day this month). I don’t think all my posts are crap. I think some are written to be fairly entertaining. But I do think some are a little…tired… at times. But don’t even some people who write blogs for a living end up writing pretty lame posts?

Think about a journalist. Sometimes you get to break the story that the CEO of a major corporation is committing adultery with a circus performer in Russia. Sometimes you tell people about the 3rd annual Cutest Kitten Contest at the local VFW where last year’s champion Mittens did it again. (Mittens IS cute….you can’t deny that…)

So am I the one who is being ignorant or is she?

Once again. I’m not trying to pass judgement on her. I’m really interested in knowing the truth behind these matters. Should I post less? Should I expect a check in the mail one day for blogging services rendered? Should I end up training and grooming kittens for Cutest Kitten Contests around the country?


*Edit: I realize that it looks like I’m fishing for compliments but I’m not. It’s a fact that I’m not a good writer.That’s why I made a blog. So I can become a better one. So…don’t get all “Awwww…you’re a good writer.” At least wait until I come up with a solid story at least.

Busy Bee

February 22, 2012

I AM BUSY BEE! (And yes, I meant that in a singular sense. As in, I am the one and only, The Mighty, Busy Bee)

Okay, I’m sort of busy. And I’m not a bee at all. (Though I do sometimes hum…which is almost like buzzing)

I have been writing…

Wow. Seems weird to write that.

I have been writing…

Yup, still strange.

Anyway, like I mentioned previously, I have begun writing what will become my first novel. The first chapter (which is where I am) is going to be all chock full of crazy little things that will, hopefully, interest my reader enough to continue. Still, I’m having concerns about the whole “first line” issue.

In my previous attempts at writing (as seen here on my little blog here) I have always tried to open up with an interesting sentence. But I feel like this is a little bit much. Like a gimmick or something. Maybe it should only be used in a short story setting?

Yes, I know I shouldn’t worry about it too much because, hey, that’s what editing is for. Knowing this, I hold the opinion that this kind of thing really shapes what the opening scene of my novel will be about. If I do a “cold” open, that could really drop the reader into an exciting place, or it could put them in a place and leave them confused. If I open with some exposition, it could be pretty boring.

Decisions, decisions…

Oh, you have an opinion to share here? Then please do so at the bottom.

And another thing.

So, you know how you read a novel and sometimes you get one of these neat little… I dunno what to call it… “bonus chapter”?

Let me explain.

You’re reading about your main character all the time. And if not, most of the time. Maybe you give your other minor characters some perspective in your story and it keeps the flow interesting. But have you ever read one of those chapters that seems to… not fit…but totally fits?



Let’s look at the Ransom Trilogy for a second here…In the book “That Hideous Strength” you are always following Ransom himself or the antagonist(s). But there is one really strange exception. You get to read as the elephant/rhino/beast (it’s been a while since I’ve last read this) as it stomps and destroys everything in it’s path. It’s completely awesome and completely unnecessary. But it was this wonderful change of pace in the book.

Are things like this safe to put in a book? Are the only useful in the skilled hands of an experienced writer? Are they necessary to keep people interested in the overall plot of a book?

You tell me…


Me versus You

May 18, 2011

This is an actual conversation between ME and YOU (the reader).

You: So… How’s your little project/short story coming along there D.A?

Me: Oh…pretty good, pretty good. I’ve met my quota for the day and some. Also, I feel that it’s coming a little easier for me than I expected.

You: Yeah, that sounds great. I have a hang nail

Me: What do I care about your hang nail? I’m trying to blog here, and you’ve got to come along and fussy things up. Just go clip it or something, don’t just complain about it.

You: Okay bro, calm down. What’s with you today anyway?

Me: Sorry, I just couldn’t get any sleep last night.

You: Oh why is that?

Me: I was up all night with a tiny pair of clippers hiding under your bed. When you fell asleep I clipped your nail to become the dreaded hang nail you have right now. By the way, you snore…

You: How? Why? What? Are you serious?

Me: :::Blank Stare:::

ANNNDD scene.

In all reality I am meeting my quota. I also plan on opening the story with the reader dropping in on a conversation. Does that break some rule? Is that a no-no? I’m not sure. I guess that’s why I went with the whole fake conversation above (or is it?)

So if you read this and you would like to help me out answer these questions:

  1. What are some funny short alien names?
  2. Do you actually have a hang nail?
  3. If you don’t, would you please remove the items stored under your bed before you go to sleep tonight?
  4. Are you aware that some people believe the world will end on May 21st?
  5. Do you realize my first story is due to come out on the 22nd?

I guess that’s some poor timing on my part, eh?