Groundhog Day

February 2, 2012

Just some things. IN LIST FORM!

1. Today was Groundhog Day. You know what I did?

Watched the movie Groundhog Day. I don’t think you can find any fault in me for that.

I think I love this movie more than somebody should. I actually enjoy every aspect of it. It’s just funny. It’s serious. It’s romantic. And it’s kind of depressing in parts.

All around it’s a pretty solid movie.

2. I’m a lazy blogger. I’m an ever lazier writer. I think I’ve made plans to write something near 3 stories that I’ve never gotten around to doing.

I make no apologies. This is my nature. I am a procrastinator.

Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t like that word all that much. “Procrastinator” seems like a bad word. I’m going to use another phrase. I would like to define myself as a “pusher”.

I push things off. It doesn’t mean I’m never going to do them. I just gently push them out of the way in order to make room for other things.

Like lamps. I love them. I really want to build that steampunk lamp (still in progress by the way). But it has been “pushed” off to the side so I can work on other things.

Mostly work, comics, and wasting time on Reddit.

And I think I’m okay with this for right now. I’m usually pretty worn out by the end of the day. Sometimes I need to make sure that I can take that deep breath so I’m ready for the next day.

I have been “pushing” this blog. And that’s okay. This blog is for me and I’m not trying to prove anything.

Wait a second….

Aren’t I?

Am I not supposed to be working toward becoming a writer? This blog was created so I could write. And I’m not doing it!

Holy Crap!

What have I become?

I am a wretch! I am a fiend! I am despair incarnate.

Sorry… That”s a little heavier than the truth. Still, I should be more committed.

3. That last number was pretty long… This one is pretty short.

4. I think I’m going to be pretty happy with my bunch of kids for this term.

I’ve had them for about two weeks. So far, my class average is up and it seems more like they are really paying attention than my last group.

I actually have a little bit of a conspiracy running through my head because of this sudden group of “behaved” children entering my doors. But that is another post for another day.

5. I now have a retirement plan…

This is a strange thought for me. I am planning for the day when I will no longer work. I have only worked for a few months.

Seems poetic in a way.

Seems mature in a way.

Seems like a lot of money that I may never see again.

6. Today I was in one of those moods that makes you feel like you are just about getting business done.

I woke up late and had a reaaaaallllly slow start, but let me tell you this. When I started going, I didn’t stop. I kept chugging.

This same chugging motion is was is motivating me to write this whole thing out tonight.

I’ve even gotten some stuff done for next week.

These days are rare for me. So I’ve enjoyed it quite a bit.

7. I just ordered a lot of golf pencils. What of it?

8. In my last post I used the word “tinnitus”. This is apparently the code word for crazy spam-bots to bombard my blog with adcomments. It think it’s rather funny. So this is what I’ll do. I’ll use another medical condition here in my blog and see what pops up.

I’m going to use an ailment that seems common to the elderly.


Yes. The trap is set.

Now it’s your job to predict how many searches/spam messages/views I will receive due to my usage of this word.

Winner will win a one way paid trip to the middle of a car lot in east New Jersey. A grade total price of nearly $6.75 (cost of bus ride from airport to car lot).

The ball is in your court now


In the short period of only 3 days I have become more responsilbe and feeble than my grandparents.

Case in point. I saw my grandmother today, and she told me how she was up until midnight playing cards with her friends. She even told me how she went to a store and just browsed around…

When she said this I could only respond in a very Napoleon Dynamite-esque “Luckeeyyyy…”

Oh how my life has changed.

For the past three days my alarms has been set to go off at 5:12 a.m. 

Yes, there are no typos in that last sentence. Allow me to highlight the areas that probably concerned you.

For the past THREE DAYS my alarm(S) have been set to go off at 5:15 A.M.

I have not woken up, consistently, that early in over two years. I will now continue to do so until I die/retire/quit/have a real weekend.

Yes, I own and use multiple alarm clocks. Does that make me a little crazy or paranoid? It sure does. I have a more “classic” alarm clock that has two separate timers as well as my iPod as a secondary alarm. The iPod usually has two alarms set to go off as well. That make a grand total of four seperate alarms every morning.

Have I ever slept through the first one? Oh yeah, all the time. The second? That’s a big “Youbetcha.” Third? I regretfully say I have needed it’s graces. The fourth? I- I- I don’t want to talk about this anymore…

I should also mention that I woke up at 3:57 a.m. today. That is so early even the sun is still rubbing sleep out of it’s eyes. Why would I be so crazy to do something this irrational? I had a lab that I needed to prepare for, so I had to go shopping. At 5 in the morning. At Wal-Mart.

In a side note:

Have you ever been to a 24 hour Wal-Mart that early in the morning? Probably not, and you probably wouldn’t want to. But allow me to inform you that it is actually really nice.

The people who are working are mostly restocking. So they are just doing their work, running around the store, and getting some of the most important work done for a very large department store. But these people are rather cheerful. They actually said “hello” to me as I walked by. (It might have been the tie, people always dig a guy in a tie. Especially if he looks like a zombie that stole a normal man’s tie.)

There was an open line in the checkout section as well! I know stores are notorious for building over 40 checkout counters and only have 2 open at once, but this was a good thing. Nobody else was there, so no more operators were needed.  The customer to employee ratio was outrageous. I was easily outnumbered. I only saw three other customers in the entire store. So it was a relatively easy operation.

(This last paragraph was edited to make sure I used a word that begin with the letter “O” once in every sentence.)

Look at me know…I must have grown up. I am rambling about check out lines and neck ties…

Oh, I lament the days of summer. How I would wake up in the afternoon and wonder what I was going to do that day. Then I would eat entire meals. And enjoy them. I didn’t have so many voices ringing through my head.

It’s always the same conversation.

“Mr. Bancroft can I go to the bathroom?”



“No. You know the policy. And I’ve already allowed you to use your only emergency hall pass for the grading period. So, once again, no.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Hey, spit out you’re gum.”

“Oh, okay.”

Man Alive! Why do they think I won’t notice the larger chunk of blue goo in their mouths? And why is it always some unnatural color?

Maybe I should just give in and start carrying a cane? I mean, I already sound mean a crotchety. Why not, right?

I also wrote my first referral today. Much easier than I expected it to be.

Oh man, I’m picking up that cane this weekend after that last sentence.


So yeah. I’m surviving. But just barely. I would love to be able to take my mind off the whole thing, but I can’t. It’s becoming a real part of me now. It’s kind of scary.

Still, I’m going to actually try to enjoy this weekend. Even if there is a slight possibility that a hurricane could kill us all. (I live in Florida, so we will be missed by Irene, but a guy can fantasize.)

I’ll be honest with you, if this post is hard to read, it’s because it was hard to write. I just wanted to get on here and feel a slight resemblance of my life from four days ago. I’m actually struggling to stay awake and the sun hasn’t even set yet.

Remember when we used to argue about Batman and I drew stupid comics? LOL, I used to think about stories to write… Good times man… Good times…

(Did I just use a LOL back there? Yeah, It’s bed time…)

Now on a farmer’s sleep schedule,


One of the “writing exercises” I do involves writing something short in a stream of consciousness format.

Allow me to explain.

I don’t try to write complete thoughts or even compete sentences sometimes. I just try to write random collections of words. The goal is to just let go and say any and every thing I possibly can.

Why do I do this?

I don’t even know why I would ask myself that question. I don’t really have an answer. But I can tell you that my skill in thinking like this came to me with time. Time and repetition.

That’s right, I called it a skill. It’s something that has been worked on. I’ve put effort into making sure I can really clear my mind and just let loose with silly words.

I also have a theory about the benefit of doing this.

I think it helps with my vocabulary. In my mind thousands of words exist but in my daily speaking mannerisms I only use, let’s say, several hundred. Now, if I just let fly words that pop into my head, I’m probably going to notice that some words keep showing up.  Sometimes, if I’m lucky, some new words will pop up, and now I have “unlocked” them and I will use them in my writing.

So let’s me and you try this whole stream of consciousness thing together.

What I’m going to do is sit here at my laptop and relax. Then I’m going to try my hardest to turn off my brain. That could take me a few minutes . I know when I’ll be ready to begin once I feel like I’m looking into a big blank void. (Yes, I’m totally serious about this right now.)

Now the next paragraph you see will be my actual stream of consciousness thoughts. It will probably be full of typos and run on sentences, it  will likely appear to be complete nonsense. That’s because it is. But I always seem to get a real kick out of it and maybe you will too. So here goes nothing…

happy horn tripe toes falling tenticle raid cars freak shopping. Calloused means are justified by wenches. Camels are not going to forget. Sometimes the rules say to knots and slip the rides. Some plubm mistakes full are menting topics. I can’t rear any farms adds. Purpose taunting loves villains


Now that’s some crazy stuff. It started off with some messy and patterned thought (H**** H***** T**** T***** pattern). Then more flowing thoughts came through.

What do they mean? I haven’t the slightest.

Now, I’ve also noticed some wonderful little items here. I used the word “raid“. That’s a word that is not in my everyday language. Yet, there it rests. “Knots” and “tripe” are two more of those words.

I like to think of this as a spring cleaning sort of moment. I have all this junk in my closet and I need to get rid of it or need to reorganize it into a more useful position. So I dump everything on the ground and say “Oh wow, look at that! It’s an old Teddy Ruxpin doll.” Then you find a place to put it and say, “Look at that, I thought I threw this thing away 20 years ago.”

Now I have a Teddy Ruxpin sitting in my recliner waiting to scare the crap out of anybody who walk in through my door.

So, everybody wins.

In this analogy the closet is my brain and the junk represents knowledge (knowledge of words that is). Then, as I dig through the old T-shirts and baseball gloves, I see that Teddy Ruxpin.

I should also clairify that  “Plubm“, “menting“, and “wenches” are probably misspelled words for “plumb“, “minting“, and “wrenches“. But I don’t care. It was typing with my eyes closed and was pretty surprised that I went that far without too many errors.

So, just because you all are good sports, why don’t you try a paragraph or two? Maybe you’ll have a completely different experience. I would love to see your results.

Crazy thoughts today,


I wonder about these things sometimes.

I also have a pretty righteous headache right now, so I’m going to make a lazy post that allows me to write AND not think very hard.

  1. You know those movies you watched when you were young? I’m thinking of things like The Goonies, The Sandlot, and The Never Ending Story. Great movies that stuck with you since the first time you saw them. What do you think those movies are for kids today? Do you think their parents are showing them the same movies or are they going to love movies like Transformers and The Social Network?
  2. When’s the next generation gaming system going to come out? I still love my 360, but when is that Xbox Nirvia going to show up? I need to be able to kill zombies in full HD as well as have my heart rate monitored so the game knows just when to scare me the most. (Like what I did there? I just made up a new system name. Go spread that rumor around the internet, I’ll just wait here and see what happens.)
  3. Baby names are all the rage right now. Many of my friends are having them. One name that I’ve thought of is Abigail. If I had a daughter, I would be very happy to give her this name. It sounds both distinguished as well as lends itself to fun interpretations. Abby, Abi, Gail, Bee-Gee, Abs, and Ms. A all seem to be fun nicknames. But somebody told me that it sounds too “old”. Well, it is, I stole it from Abigail Adams (the very influential wife of John Adams). But aren’t “old” names what it’s about right now?
  4. I wish I had a “get away from monsters for free” card. It just seems like it would come in handy in the event of me appearing in a horror movie.
  5. I would be really happy if we went back to coins as the common form of currency. It’s more durable. It’s more noisy. It’s easier to put into machines. It would make coin magic popular again. It’s even going to help me keep my wallet from bulging with unnecessary 1’s. (Because that seems to be the only cash I carry on me.)
  6. Has anybody else had their “Right Now” box disappear in their home screen for WordPress? I don’t mean “Oh, I must have deleted it from my screen”, I mean this thing just packed up and left. I’m pretty sad because I really liked having all that information right there. It was my one-stop-shop for all my blogging needs.
  7. I don’t remember playing in puddles when I was a kid; I remember making messes and mudpies.
  8. I’ve never, in my entire life, wished I had blonde hair.
  9. Would be really hard for people who are afraid of germs to start smoking? Cigarettes aren’t sanitized or anything. Why would they be? If you smoked you would just have to trust that there isn’t some nasty paper making up your ‘cig.
  10. I need to learn how to fake an European accent really well. I have my reasons…
  11. Normally, I don’t stub my toes all that often, but I always seems to hurt my hands in some way. Even when I’m trying to make sure to not hurt my hands I end up doing it. And by hands, I mean fingers.
  12. This one is kind of long and doesn’t really belong in a list, but here goes: I live in a pretty rural area. Not super rural, where cows outnumber humans, but rural enough. So I come home one day and hear a very strange “whooo-OP…wh00o-OP!” It’s a whoop that turns to a high pitch call at then end. It resonates throughout the forest. It even scares me a little. I ask my parents and they can’t really explain it. It gets even weirder when we start noticing rustling in the underbrush and notice some movement in the trees. A few days after hearing it throughout the week, we discover what’s causing the sounds. Peacocks. And they aren’t very friendly.
There you go. Lazy list of random thoughts I’ve had today.
Hope you enjoyed them,

Ever wonder what would happen if you got punched in the face by a huuuuge dragon?

Well I have.

It would probably suck.

This isn’t due to the fact that dragons are notoriously awesome punchers (which in fact is not a fact). From my experiences, dragons have short front limbs, so the movement of a punch would be difficult for them to achieve. The damage would likely be attributed to the sheer size of the beast. Imagine taking a hit from something that is around 7 stories tall. The mass of it’s arm/leg would be measured in tonnes. That’s just unbearable. Even if you could do 50 push-ups, you still wouldn’t stand a chance…

Consider this as well. Dragons that fight have claws (I read that in last weeks New Yorker Magazine). NOW imagine getting punched by a clawed giant reptile. The scrapes and abrasions would be numerous. He could gouge you.

Plus, there is the danger of Salmonella. Reptiles are covered in that stuff (I went to college). Cuts + Salmonella = Infection City. You’re not bouncing back from that. At best it’s a hospital stay. At worst, well, you’re crushed into a squishy oblivion.

So…my story is coming along. Just the finishing touches are left really…oh, and I’ve made like 3 drafts…sooo…

Don’t worry. If you read the excerpt and didn’t really think it was story-ish enough for you, the whole thing is actually a story. Just a short one. With a pamphlet inside. There’s characters and plot and such.You just got to read the beginning of that pamphlet. It’s complicated I know, but that’s just what I felt like writing. Those things happen from time to time.

Why am I explaining myself?

I should be imagining about dragon punches some more…or better yetmummy dancing.

Shake it Rameses II!