Hallo evrybody. rite now im talkin to u da way peepl text to each other. 

Why would I do such a confounding thing? The theme of course.

Today I bring to you a text conversation I just had with a friend of mine. It will be filled with misspellings and crazy ideas. This is a short hand way to look at how I come up with every single idea for a story I’ve written. This very conversation will hold the idea to my very next story which I hope will be posted on her in the coming days.

The conversation is between me and a buddy of mine. Let’s call him Fred. From time to time he and I will have a conversation like this. He’s a talented writer that can’t come up with ideas…I’m a less talented writer that’s teeming with ideas. Unfortunately for me I let a lot of these ideas go by…but maybe the conversation we had can be entertaining for you to read.

Him: I need writing motivation

Me: Such as…

Me: Hold old are you?

Him: What? No.

Me: Just freaking tell me how old you are…

Him: 27

Me: A 27 year old man moves into a new apartment only to find the previous tenant never left. That tenant? A colony of tiny clowns that live in a bathrobe.

Him: Interesting…

Me: Okay…how about this?

Him: Let’s hear it

Me: A touring musician must face a difficult decision on the road. Does he play the next gig with his cruddy band or join a talented musician at the bus stop?

Him: These are good

Me: A woman who was in a tragic accident wakes up in a hospital bed after 6 months in a coma. Her arms have been replaced with spatulas. And now she wants to cook..

Him: Pooh nice

Him: That’s oooooh

Him: Just watched sun Tzu’s art of war special on the history channel.

Me: Winnie the pooh give up (sic) his addiction to honey and replaces it with a hammering for heroin.

Me: A guy goes to record store. When he can’t pick a new album he asks the clerk for a reccommendation she shares his taste. Her pick is awesome. He invites her to coffee and they start talking and they soon discover they are actually brother and sister.

Him: Okay: the real challenge would be to mash every one of those ideas into a short story

Me: A tribal leader goes on a solo hunt to please the gods and hopefully bring prosperity to his tribe. In his hunt for a bear he comes across somethign much more dangerous…a sabertooth tiger.

Me: I can do this all night…

Me: Do you want something in particular?

Him: Just keep going, I’m seriously going to try to mix them all into something coherent

Me: A former librarian with an empty soul tries to burn down the library…but the library fights back. The leader? An old copy of Fahrenheit 451.

Him: Have you ever read that btw? I have not.

Me: While backpacking across Europe an American meets a Swiss guy with an interesting history. He’s not a person at all but a treefolk that has been given a human form to learn why the trees are dissapearing.

Me: I haave (sic)

Me: A little boy has his dream come true when his LEGO robot gets struck by lightening and begins to fight crime.

Me: A tailor running his shop gets the biggest order of his career. He must design a uniform for the worlds greatest super hero…The Dynamic.

Me: Actually…that last one is mine…don’t touch it.

Him: Ok

Me: Have this one…

Me: The Poopsmith meets the woman of his dreams…Princess Urea.

Me: You’re dreaming welcome by the way…this stuff is gold.

Me: Freaking*

END CONVERSATION

I hope you’ve learned something about me from reading this. If you didn’t here they are in conveniant list form for your benefit.

  1. I’m helpful, but not overly helpful.
  2. I happy with coming up with serious ideas as well and silly ones.
  3. I exude confidence after some very bad propositions.
  4. I routinely ignore comments that are off topic (see his comment about watching the art of war special on history channel.)
  5. I created the phrase “Hammering for heroin”…patent pending. I think I meant to say “Hankering for heroin.”
  6. I quickly recant anything that I see as a benefit to myself.
  7. I ask strange questions to friends even thought I should already know the answer (age)
  8. I type way too much.
  9. The Poopsmith is a reference to one of the funniest things from my high school days Homestar Runner.

And there you go. An entertaining romp inside of my cell phone and the private conversations between me and people I love…

I hope you’re happy with what you made me do here today.

And yes…I’m serious about the super hero tailor story…should be fun.

D.A.

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Thrifty Thursday

March 1, 2012

So, yesterday I ended up filming a very out of left field thing for a churchy…thingy…

Did any of my wonderful ideas of sock puppets and fine lady mustaches make their way onto film?

No… No they did not. But it wasn’t for lack of  trying. I pitched those ideas so hard it made me look like Billy Mays. I even tried to sell those sock puppets in 11 different ways. Still…nothing.

But I did come up with some really simple idea that involves breaking apples in half with your bare hands.

Will it be funny? I honestly have no idea. But it was a lot of fun acting like an idiot for the better part of 5 hours.

That’s right. I said 5 hours. Let me give you a breakdown on what we did for this thing.

 

3:30 – Arrive at church and try to come up with an idea.

4:30 – Find a hidden costume room in a weird attic above the baptistery. (Sounds like it belongs in a horror movie)

4;45 – Another partner joins group.

5:15 – Kick around more ideas.

5:20 – Come up with very weak idea and pretend it’s the greatest idea ever.

5:30 – Justify crazy idea with church related material.

5:32 – Pitch idea to head pastor. He accepts.

5:40 – Grab camera and find classroom.

6:00 – Go buy 6 apples…

5:44 – 8:28 – Plan/improvise/direct/write/act out in sketch.

8:32 – Remember that I am an adult.

 

For the first 2 hours it really was coming up with an idea. And this whole experience has really made me wonder how writers for talk shows and comedic T.V. shows pull this off all the time. Really. How do you just sit in a room and put funny on paper? That’s a pretty demanding task. Let alone, you have to do it so much and in such a short period of time, it really is a feat.

D.A.

Leader for the Day

August 30, 2011

Remember this?

When you were in kindergarten or 1st grade your teacher would award the “best student” of the day and they would become class leader?

Was my school the only one that did this?

So you would get caught doing something cool or nice during the week. Your teacher would walk up to you and say something to the effect of, “Wow, good job Douglas! You put the toys away very nicely.” or “Douglas, that was very nice of you to let Sarah borrow your crayons during that lesson.” Then you would get a gold star or something next to your name.

Then on Friday you became Class Leader. You get to walk in the front of the line when you go to P.E or lunch. It means you get to sit at the head of the  table with the teacher. First dibs on certain toys during play time. You might even get to take a nap on the non-sticky nap pad. (That means it’s the mat that Timmy didn’t pee on yet. You know you remember that kid…)

If you were super lucky, the teacher would buy you a Slush Puppie at lunch too. Oh how your cherry syrup stained lips would glimmer at the other kids. They would be so jealous.

Just in case you don't know what a Slush Puppie is, here is it's illegally obtained brand logo for your pleasure.

Yeah, this who thing. Leader for the day. That’s what yesterday felt like on WordPress.

Apparantly I had my last post became “Freshly Pressed.”

I mean, I think it’s really cool and all that, but let’s be honest, I only get to be leader for the day. It’s not like I get the spot on the front page for a whole year. So, I’m just taking the moment to say this:

ATTENTION ALL OF YOU WHO ARE NEW TO THIS BLOG!

I currently have a goal of trying to put a marble in each country on the planet. Yes, I’m serious. I currently have marbles in Canada and the United States…Yes, I know that’s not impressive but all things have to start somewhere.

But if you just send me an email with your address I will be happy to send you a marble. Then you can have it to keep and hold forever and ever.

If you would like more information please read one of my previous posts on the topic.

Now for those of you who have already known me for a while…

I bet you’re wondering if my newfound fame is going to get to my tiny brain.

In short, yes. Yes it is. I’ve just decided it would be worth it because this could be my 15 minutes of fame.

As a matter of fact, half an hour after I found out about this whole thing, I hired an agent. He’s pretty mean, but he gets the job done.

For example:

I already have a movie deal in place where I’m starring opposite Seth Rogen in a buddy cop movie.

I have even started working with Kanye West on a new album. It’s pretty tight yo.

I’ve also updated my wardrobe to only being made by Armani. It’s just how I roll now.

Like I mentioned earlier, I’m leader for the day now…I can do whatever I want.

I hope you’re not still staring at my wonderfully red lips because I’ve been drinking a delicious Slush Puppie.

Making loud slurps in your direction,

D.A.

I Know.

July 10, 2011

I know. I know.

Bad things happen.

I’m late with a story, (as usual).

I haven’t posted in a few days, (as usual).

This is a, sort of, appology, (as usual).

But today is the day.

A short story will be posted by 9 p.m. tonight. (not as usual)

That’s right. I even gave a time!

So that means it’s official!

It will happen!

Tonight!

Story!

You!

Read!

Happytime!

Yes!

Now I must go back to typing more of said story into the computer.

Oh, said story will be called Moving Ahead.

It will be about movingahead.

D.A.

Really, I’m having a contest to see who can make me giggle.

You in?

Allow me to tempt you further.

The winner of the contest will receive this plethora of incredible and significant objects:

Best Prize Ever?

And there’s more. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

So allow me to explain myself and the rules for the contest. If you don’t want to read the explanation, and want to get right on to the rules for free stuff, then skip the next few paragraphs.

I’ve noticed a very strange theme through all of my stories (all 3 of them).  A lot of my characters seem to die. They usually die in some out of the ordinary manner or circumstance. I do this because I think it’s funny, but there is the chance that I could just be mentally disturbed…

Since death is considered by many people to be a very serious topic, let’s have some fun with it. All you have to do in this contest is tell me a funny story or situation where you are grieving the loss of something silly. You see, crying over your long lost granny is sad. But crying over your ice cube tray named Otis, that died in a tragic skiing accident, is funny. So let’s aim for funny here. Let’s try to make death a “not too serious” problem we can poke fun at.

In return I will give the winner a sympathy card and handwritten note expressing my condolences for your loss as well as the items listed in the picture above. Now here are the rules.

Rules for “In Sympathy” Contest

  1. To enter this contest you must post a comment on this particular post’s comment thread. Your comment must describe a very silly and made up event that would cause you to grieve for a loss of something. Your odds for winning go up if they are in a story form but they don’t have to be. Just be creative. (If you decide to post your story on your own blog, then provide a link to the blog in this comment thread).
  2. It must not be about anything real. It must be SILLY and MADE UP. Remember, we’re going for light hearted fun, not painful reality.
  3. I will pick the winner one week from today. That means you must have your comment posted by 12 p.m. (eastern time) on Wednesday, June 15th, 2011. I will inform the winner via email so I may obtain their mailing address.
  4. You will then win (in no particular order): A card and handwritten note of sympathy for your (very funny and made up) loss. A paper clip. A rubber band. An old guitar pick I don’t use anymore. And a marble of average size and of great importance. (More on the marble on a later date).
  5. No, I will not send you anything creepy or weird (other than the listed things above). No, you may not send me back anything creepy or weird. No, my hand is not included in the contest (even though it was in the photo).
  6. If the winner will not accept the prize, then it will be forwarded to the second place. If they refuse, then third place, etc. If nobody accepts the prize, then I will be happy to keep the marble for myself, and the rest will be destroyed.
  7. If you want to enter multiple times, (I’m not sure why you would), then feel free to do so. Just make sure each one is unique.
  8. Have fun.

Remember, the most creative/silly/made up event will win the contest. This means you can tell me a story or just describe something silly. Take your time with it. Treat it like a writing prompt if you wish. And try to make sure your story makes sense.