Year One

May 15, 2012

Hey everybody.

It’s me, Douglas. I’m the guy who usually writes this blog. Actually, I’m the only guy who writes this blog but lately I haven’t because I’m a lazy bum. A tired and tried lazy bum. A man who’s seen the end of his rope in terms of energy usage and he has just allowed this place to collect a weird smell. The same weird smell that sticks to your clothes after you pull them out of storage from the winter. Or maybe it’s closer to the smell found in old china cabinets filled with your grandmother’s old thimbles.

I’m writing right now (despite all my glorious bumminess) because today is a special day. Today marks the one year anniversary of me starting this blog.

Huzzah!

Bookforme was created to serve as a tool so I could practice the art of writing fiction. I wanted to learn how to write something well enough to hold people’s attention as well as serve as a creative outlet for myself. So far, I think I’ve been able to reach these goals.

Now, if you remember, the main goal of me doing this is to write a book. Not to publish a book. Not to get recognized for my writing. Not to begin slipping into the infinite vastness that is the internet. But simply to write a book.

I haven’t done this yet. But I at least feel a little bit more capable of reaching this goal.

Actually, I feel so confident in this goal that I plan on participating in NaNoWriMo this year. Everybody always refers to it. Every says they love it. So I will mindlessly follow hundreds of thousands of others into the front lines of writing novels in the month of November. Wish me luck. It may be my first novel. (I say may because I could fall short of this goal…which is familiar territory for me.)

Other things have certainly changed in my life as I’ve been writing on here as well. I graduated school. I got a job. I got a haircut. I attempted to build a lamp. I started sending marbles around the world. I missed a lot of self-made deadlines for silly goals. I even developed a short lived crack addiction and was invited to join the cast of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

Okay, I made that last part up.

It was meth…and I wasn’t invited on the show…

But despite all those silly things I would just like to write one sincere and complete message for you Dear Reader.

It’s all your fault. Yes, you. Put down that drink and read this! It’s your fault! You did this to me!

You made me feel comfortable writing and that let me feel entitled to write more and more. Your positive comments have only helped push me deeper into this realm, and now I fear there is no turning back. Your kind words and support my have ruined me…

And since I’m having so much fun doing this I just wanted to say thanks. Really. You small band of silly subscribers are the reason why I keep coming back to this place and writing guilt-ridden posts about why I’m not entertaining you as often as I should.

Thank you.

I mean it.

But just saying thank you isn’t enough. I want to give credit where credit is due. Some of you have put up with my self obsessed ramblings for far too long.

Some of the following blogs are made by people that I really admire. They are also people whom I personally feel are responsible for me wanting to do a good job whenever I post something on here. I have and will always look up to them. They are the standard by which I judge myself. If you have ever at any point thought that my ramblings have gotten better (or worse) over time, then you should look in the direction of these people who are directly responsible for molding me into what I am today.

Please support them by clicking their name and giving their stuff a look-n-see. They’re all wonderful and they all do a much better job than I do. I promise that any kind words I say about them were are not exaggerated nor were they bought with bribe money. (Well, okay, not MUCH bribe money…but a guy’s got to put food on the table somehow.)

Still Growing – If my memory serves correctly, she was the first person to begin following my blog. Whether she did it out of pity or interest means nothing, all that matters is that she is an author that I look up to in more ways than one. Her insight and honesty is unfounded and I hope you read her blog and feel the same connection I do whenever I read any of words. She can craft words to make you giggle or cry(and as a man I feel no regrets admitting that ). She can also run a pretty well oiled machine over there. If you read her stuff you will not regret it.

Fish of Gold – This is one of the most interesting people I have come across here on WordPress. Actually, if I knew her in person I would probably think she is the most interesting person I’ve ever met in general. She isn’t afraid to take on any topic and she is always willing to throw down her viewpoint. She’s also sharper than a double edged axe. This makes her wildly entertaining. She is also a professional in the quality of her words and she’s so subtle about it you hardly even notice it.  Plus she does a lot of lists…and I’m a sucker for lists.

Frank C. Bishop – This guy. This guy comes across as a real guy just being a guy. He is genuine and funny. He has his finger on the pulse of pop culture which always results in something great for you. Funny. Smart. Topical. Who wouldn’t like that combination? So…go ahead…click it. You know you want to. (He hasn’t posted in a while because he’s all married and stuff now, but he’ll be back.)

Excerpts From Non-existent Books – This is one of my favorite blogs because this librarian is capable of telling a better story in 200 words than I could in 2,000. All he does is create short excerpts from novels that don’t actually exist. Actually, he writes each piece so well that I’m certain he’s hardly a human being at all. My best guess is super writing cyborg from the future…This is what writing talent looks like.

Covers and Content – This is a personal friend of mine who is wildly creative as well as wildly Swedish. Her writing is astounding, her art is mesmerizing, and her blog is young. She makes my attempts at writing look like they were written by a drunken polar bear and my attempts at art look like they are as creative as a slice of moldy bread. Go support her and help her expose the world to her wonderful creations.

Snotting Black – This lady right here is the real deal. So real that I’m going to give her to official title of “The Real Freakin’ Deal”. She’s funny. Not funny like I just saw some uncle slip into the lake while watching American’s Funniest Videos, but funny like… like…like a good writer that knows how to write comedy and can actually hold your attention. She’s self-deprecating to the point of making your self-defecating. She’s so funny you’ll poop yourself. No lie. Reader beware, you will ruin your shorts if you click that link.

If there are some you reading this who are slightly offended because I didn’t include you on my list, please remember that I only take checks and cash for bribes. If you tried using the Paypal account your money did not get to me it actually went to a prince in Africa.

And to cap things off I just want to reiterate my thanks for you readership/participation in this whole thing. This year has been wonderful to share with you. I hope many more years come after this one. I also hope that you stick around too. I’m going to do my best to finally accomplish my goal this year and after that all bets are off.

Thanks again,

D.A.

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Today Feels Like

March 30, 2012

Thursday.

Yesterday felt like Wednesday.

Now that I think about it, so did Wednesday.

Weird schedules at school + coming back from spring break = confusing weekend.

With all my luck you may here me call tomorrow a Tuesday.

…I’m babbling…Sorry.

Brain not working…tomorrow will be better (that’s a Tuesday I think).

D.A.

Thrifty Thursday

March 1, 2012

So, yesterday I ended up filming a very out of left field thing for a churchy…thingy…

Did any of my wonderful ideas of sock puppets and fine lady mustaches make their way onto film?

No… No they did not. But it wasn’t for lack of  trying. I pitched those ideas so hard it made me look like Billy Mays. I even tried to sell those sock puppets in 11 different ways. Still…nothing.

But I did come up with some really simple idea that involves breaking apples in half with your bare hands.

Will it be funny? I honestly have no idea. But it was a lot of fun acting like an idiot for the better part of 5 hours.

That’s right. I said 5 hours. Let me give you a breakdown on what we did for this thing.

 

3:30 – Arrive at church and try to come up with an idea.

4:30 – Find a hidden costume room in a weird attic above the baptistery. (Sounds like it belongs in a horror movie)

4;45 – Another partner joins group.

5:15 – Kick around more ideas.

5:20 – Come up with very weak idea and pretend it’s the greatest idea ever.

5:30 – Justify crazy idea with church related material.

5:32 – Pitch idea to head pastor. He accepts.

5:40 – Grab camera and find classroom.

6:00 – Go buy 6 apples…

5:44 – 8:28 – Plan/improvise/direct/write/act out in sketch.

8:32 – Remember that I am an adult.

 

For the first 2 hours it really was coming up with an idea. And this whole experience has really made me wonder how writers for talk shows and comedic T.V. shows pull this off all the time. Really. How do you just sit in a room and put funny on paper? That’s a pretty demanding task. Let alone, you have to do it so much and in such a short period of time, it really is a feat.

D.A.

I have begun work on what will be my first novel.

Mind you, this is only the very beginning stages of writing this novel. I am going to try and implement some of the strategies I have learned over the last year. So far this is what I’ve done and this is the order in which it has occurred.

1. Come up with an idea. I can’t believe it, but I settled on an idea. It’s taken some time (several months) but at least it’s happened.

This also includes the design of the characters that are going to be running around doing this whole thing.

2. Write a plot “skeleton”. I’m not sure of how else to describe this. I am writing, sort of a time line, that includes all the events that are going to occur in this story. Plot line? Order of Events? I don’t know what to call this. But I have done this.

3. Adding meat onto this skeleton. I am going to build scenes around each of these events (or maybe have multiple events occurs in single scenes. This is where I currently am in terms of getting things done.

I still have to pick locations/minor characters/quirks/arguments/dialogue/small dilemmas for the scenes and the real fun details that would make this whole thing interesting to read. This is probably going to take a lot of time and after I start writing I may not even following these details.

This is one thing I’ve learned. No matter how much you plan, it’s still not writing. You will never be able to plan ever detail to a story before you write it. At least I will get a pretty good idea for where I want to go.

After I pack all this meat onto the skeleton, I will judge if it is a deformed malnourished creature build only to survive in the depths, or if it is a well built and hearty beast that can flourish in the rain forest. Only time will tell.

So, I haven’t been wasting my time completely while I’m not blogging. At least I’ve begun working on one of my life’s biggest goals.

This is just a quick little update to let you know about it. As I progress I will end up actually telling you more about my thought process as I’m going through everything.

D.A.

 

You Wanted Proof

August 9, 2011

And you got it!

Behold, The Greatest Tuna Melt In The World. (TGTMITW)

TUNA

And that’s not a glass of water next to TGTMITW, in fact, it is a glass of my own tears that were shed as this splendorous creation blessed me with it’s presence.

Would you like the ingredients list?

  • 1 can of tuna
  • 2 dollops of Miracle Whip (not mayonnaise)
  • Bread, 2 slices (White or wheat, but preferably wheat)
  • Butter, spread on the two sides to be beautified with caramel color
  • Time, Love, and Magic

Are you jealous?

Of course you are. That is still no reason for you to riot in the streets. (I’m looking at you Great Britain)

I also would like to point out your attention to the current economic concerns surrounding the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Yesterday, it dropped over 600 points. Last night, after meeting with the Fed, I decided to do my part to help the country bounce back from over two weeks of terrible numbers in the stock market.

After that meeting, I brought another TGTMITW into the world.

Today the market jumped over 400 points.

You’re welcome you rich hooligans…but I’m not making any promises.

D.A.

 

I Know.

July 10, 2011

I know. I know.

Bad things happen.

I’m late with a story, (as usual).

I haven’t posted in a few days, (as usual).

This is a, sort of, appology, (as usual).

But today is the day.

A short story will be posted by 9 p.m. tonight. (not as usual)

That’s right. I even gave a time!

So that means it’s official!

It will happen!

Tonight!

Story!

You!

Read!

Happytime!

Yes!

Now I must go back to typing more of said story into the computer.

Oh, said story will be called Moving Ahead.

It will be about movingahead.

D.A.

Here are a few very important notes for all of you:

1.  I have decided on the name of my short story.

It will be called Memorandum RE: Galaxy. This may or may not be the best name for anything ever written in the history of humankind. Obviously it will involve a memo and it is in reference to the state of the galaxy. Yeah, it’s going to be a spacey alien humor thing (Sheesh, a dime a dozen, huh?). So if you particularly like that kind of stuff, you may like this. And if you don’t, then you should probably still read it, because you adore me (I expect to see no corrections here in any comments).

2. I’ve discovered that I only think in 15 min increments.

That’s right. If somebody asks me when I will be at their house, I will respond with a time that ends in “o’clock”, “15”, “30”, or “45”. I must have watched T.V. so much as a kid that I believe only important things can occur in those time frames. This goes for everybody else I know as well. I have never had anybody tell me they will meet me at the restaurant at 4:52 p.m. If they did my brain would likely explode. Does that mean I show up at 4:45 and get there early? Or do I show up late at 5:00? Either way, it would make for an awkward moment. The smattering of brain matter on my shirt would also make things weird too.

In a related note, I cut to commercial breaks every 15 mins. It’s quite tough for me to make new friends because of it. Nobody wants to stick around to hear me talk about Sockem’ Boppers for the 11th time (They’re more fun than a PILL-O-FIGHT).

Yes, all my ads are from the early 90’s.

3. I realized what every guy in the world wants to be.

We want to be a fair balance of Sean Connery, Doctor Who, Chuck Norris, all male cast members from the original Star Wars Trilogy (especially Boba Fett), Leonidas, Batman, and the Red Power Ranger. And we all wish we could bust into a wicked sweet guitar solo at any time. And all men believe that all the aforementioned individuals can, in fact, bust into a wicked solo at the drop of a hat.

4. The soundtracks from SimCity 3000 and SimCity 4 are incredible.

“Nuff said right there. Those links will take you to FREE digital download goodness. You’re ear buds will thank you. No really, go there. They are “legit free as well. Maxis/EA games released all that music for fans. So become one.

5. I’ve updated my “about” page. 

It is in list form. So… if you enjoy lists and such, it’s right up your alley. I will add to it at my leisure.

6. Anybody who replied to my last post with a comment about not snoring is a liar.

They all snore. Everybody snores. Except the names listed in #3 of this post.  Those people are so rad they don’t even need to sleep.

Well I’ve done my damage for today, what about you?