Weird Day

March 27, 2012

(One thing I’ve learned about writing a good blog post is to give your audience an interesting opening sentence.)

Today I taught a bunch of immature 15 year-olds about penises and vaginas. There was only a little giggling. I was even paid to do this.

(Pretty good, huh?)

Normally this would be a really traumatizing experience for a human being. Think about it. What if I walked up to you and said something like “Hey, you’re going to stand in front of a bunch of teenagers and talk about female and male reproductive anatomy for about an hour and a half. Twice.”

Your likely response would be to scream “You’ll never take me alive!” and kick me in the epididymis as you turn and run to your escape.

But I performed my professional duty without any hitches. No biggie.

This was far different that last experience of doing this last term. Last year I was a nervous wreck. I could hardly collect my thoughts and didn’t know how to approach such a delicate subject. This year I didn’t even bat an eye at the thought.

What was the difference? I think it was probably due to my familiarity with the subject material now. I’m just a little bit more comfortable in my skin. And I have some pretty decent kids in my classes that “get me” and are usually willing to listen (or just not disrupt).

But I also think today was a day where I was in true autopilot.

And that’s a little terrifying.

Today I taught a whole bunch of little humans about how they came into being. Today I ended up grading tons of papers. Today I ended up attending a very early meeting that started at 6:30 a.m. Today i ended up running a practice for a quiz team after school. This is all very involved and thought demanding stuff to do.

Today I did all of that…and I don’t remember using my brain. This lasted about nine hours.

In hindsight I don’t think I was in control of my body today.

Now I know that I’m not the only person to ever experience this before. But this is the first time in my memory that it’s happened to me. And the other thing is, I feel like I did a pretty decent job today. Is this common? I’m hoping not.

I’m starting to think I may be under the control of a small contingent of fratboy aliens that are hovering over our planet with remote controls that will work on human beings. Today I was their play toy. They probably think it’s funny to steal a person’s brain for all those hours of a day and see how he reacts when he regains thought control again.

And on top of all that, today felt like a Wednesday.

Weird day.

D.A.

Ideas

March 17, 2012

I got another short story coming. 

I didn’t plan it. It just showed up like an unexpected visit from an uncle that has that funny smell. Don’t get me wrong, you love him, he’s your uncle…but that smell. You know what I mean.

It’s one of those moments of Writer’s Non-block. If that’s a thing.

As a matter of fact the idea came to me at about 1 a.m. this morning. Like lightning….

Oh…you’ll see what I did there soon enough…

::Rubs hands together menacingly:::

So yes, this is a short post now telling you that I will have a longer (and hopefully a better) post tomorrow. I could have just surprised you with some productivity by displaying a new short story tomorrow. You would have made a double take. But I’m not going to use too much energy for this post. I’m in the writing mood. I’ve got the basic story down…now I just need to edit and make it better.

This additional brain usage will prevent me from making much more than that awesome pun you read above.

And a few notes: (in convenient listy goodness)

1. This will be more of a shorter story but it won’t be a flash fiction.

2. The reasoning behind this story is something I heard about writing. I’m not sure where I heard this but this is the idea.

There are two kinds of stories. One is a story of ‘The hero goes on a journey’. The second is ‘A stranger comes to town’. 

I like the idea of “a stranger comes to town”. It’s so mysterious. So cool. So here’s my take on that. A stranger comes to town.

3. It’s not going to be the most original idea ever…you’ve probably heard of a variation of it. But this one will be distinctly mine.

It’ll be called The Man in Blue.

My Fortune

July 15, 2011

Allow me to tell you about my day.

I wake up, and am asked if I can drive my (for lack of a better word) injured step-mother somewhere so she may “pick up” a book. Seems simple enough. I oblige and will be more than happy to drive her to her destination so she may finish whatever she was working on.

After a 30 minuet drive, we reach our destination. It’s a bakery that she works at. The book is a book of her recipes that she needs during her vacation so she can revise it. She tells me to come in and wait inside while she finds the book. And I agree. I take a seat among the patrons of the restaurant. Alone.

Now, I know the truth of the matter. The truth is that she will do more that just pick up the book. She will socialize. And who could get upset about that? It’s expected of any normal person who walks about the world. And I’m sure she will end up  talking to her boss, just because, when you’ve been out of work for so long, you tend to be more friendly toward your boss. Plus, since she’s so ingrained into the work of that bakery, she will probably check on things to make sure items aren’t being made incorrectly. And that’s fair as well.

But things took an unexpected turn.

I fell asleep three times. Listened to a elderly woman speak talk about every injury she has ever had (in grizzly detail). Watched 3 men hit on the same employee of the bakery. Was asked by other employees if I “was alright?” twice. Saw nearly 100 people enter and exit the store. And watched a very hyper child demand a cookie.

This all took place during the hour and a half that I waited in that bakery.

That’s right.

I waited an hour and a half.

That’s 90 minuets.

5,400 seconds.

Until she returned.

That I will never get back.

I didn’t have anything to pass the time. And why would I? I didn’t know I would be there for that long. Why wouldn’t I just leave? Because I would have to of come back to bring her back home anyway. Why didn’t I ask her to hurry up? Because I’m a polite person, that allows people to have their boundaries. I’m very unobtrusive in other words.

Because, when I agree to do something for somebody, I do it, and I don’t complain while I’m doing it.

I let people feel free.

(I feel this is a good quality for a person to have)

Then I drive the 30 minuets back home. (A very unpleasant drive, mind you). With the injured step mother in tow. (No, I didn’t tow her, she rode in the passenger seat). Who doesn’t know how to apologize.

Just a simple, “Hey, I’m sorry that took so long.” Or maybe a “Wow, time really got away from me. Sorry about that.” Hey, I’d even take a “My bad.”

N-O-T-H-I-N-G

So some more math now:

30 (first drive) + 90 (wait) + 30 (second drive) = 150 or 2 hours and 30 minuets of my life…

that I will never get back.

Could I have been doing something productive? Yes

Could I have been doing something unproductive? More than likely.

It doesn’t matter. My time is my time. Please don’t waste it. Especially if I’m trying to help you out.

If my time is going to be wasted, I at least want to be the one who wastes it.

I’m a grown man. And I have a great grip on my temper. I do nice things for people. I don’t mind waiting for things to happen. I don’t mind if you don’t rush. I don’t even mind if I have to do something relatively uncomfortable for you.

But I will not be doing things for people who don’t seem to think my time is as important as theirs.

 

Later in the day, I got Chineese food.

Why?

Because I love Chinese food.

I got a fortune cookie that said:

“Cooking is easy. Good taste is hard. That’s why you call take out.”

?

I still don’t get it.

 

Both of these stories don’t really fit together. So I decided to put them together anyway, because, sometimes life does that to you.

Was I mad when I wrote the first half of this post? Yeah. I can still feel the aggravation inside me. But it’ll go away. You know why? Because I can move on from things. If I focused on all the annoyances in my life, I’d not have much time having fun. Fun like finding a fortune cookie that just doesn’t quite click in my mind.

Do you get the fortune?

 

Hope your day went better than mine,

D.A.