But when I am, I try to write stories the old fashioned way.

This is what I did today during one of my classes that had to take a midterm. That goes to show you how bored I was. I was also not capable of using a computer at the moment because I didn’t want to sit there in a silent room with me pounding on a keyboard the whole time. That’s right, I’m a nice guy.

My handwriting clearly needs help. It looks a lot like an old form of Klingon. I’m not sure if you can really see this writing up close but it’s mostly a ugly hybrid of cursive and print. Each letter only resembles those found in the English alphabet. And it’s very tiny. Like Hobbit tiny.

One thing that does sort of make me proud is how straight the lines of text are on the unlined paper. I’m pretty impressed with myself. Usually when I try something like this it looks like half the words are sliding off an invisible shelf.

And if for some reason you’re trying to read what I wrote, please stop. That’s my next little project/goal. If you want to keep it a surprise don’t look at the answers. Oh, I guess I should tell you what that goal actually is…

5,000. 

Yup. 5,000 words is my goal. I think I can accomplish it. I think I could kill it. I just don’t know if I can hit 5,000 and still keep it interesting to read. I’m starting to think I have a short attention span when it comes to writing because I have pretty short attention span when I’m reading.

When is it going to be done? Whenever I decide it’s ready…that’s when. I’ve had the idea for about a week now, but yesterday I actually planned out what’s going to happen (most likely, things can always change later).

I wrote a lot (for my standards) last month. While I thought it was great, I want to try something that I put a little more effort into. I also want to allow myself to be lazy. I did a lot of work last month. So far I haven’t really stopped that pattern, but I don’t want to get my hopes up that it will continue only to have it all fall apart in a couple of weeks.  So I think pacing myself will be for the best.

Oh, and I think this story is going to have some Elvis impersonators. Because what story doesn’t get better when you read about overweight and uncommitted Elvis impersonators?

So I guess you’ve got that to look forward to.

I’ve got a teacher work day tomorrow…but no work. So that means I’ll probably end up writing a little while I’m there. I’ll probably listen to music and make my coworkers wonder what’s wrong with my musical taste…

THHHEEEE HIIIIILLLLLSSSS ARE AALLLIIIIIIVVVVVEEE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUUSSIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCC…..

D.A.

Words To Live By

March 6, 2012

Here are a few words I have always found to be helpful in my life. These are based on years of experience and knowledge. I would dare say they are wise words.

1. You always feel better after you clean it up.

This could apply to almost any messy situation. Cluttered desk at work? Tidy up. You’ll feel so much more organized and productive afterwards. Have you said something to offend somebody? Talk to them and figure out what you can do to make it up to them. Or just simply ask for forgiveness. This usually makes you feel like a better person. Found an old half-eaten sandwich under your bed? Pitch it and scrub down the infected area. You’ll most certainly feel better knowing that there is no longer a cesspool of evil hiding under your bed.

2. Treat all free things in life like they’re a invincibility star in Super Mario. 

Honestly. If you get something for free, use it to it’s fullest extent. Don’t let those things pass you by. Don’t let them serve no purpose. They are gifts. Treat them as such. There is nothing worse than getting a invincibility star and you just stand there, only to be killed as soon as it runs out. Make it all worth your time.

3. Never drink and entire 6 pack of Yoohoo.

The consequences are…dire. I don’t think I need to go into much more detail about this. But let me just say, I haven’t made this mistake again since the last time when I was 4 years old.

4. Always keep a bottle of Pepto-Bismol around.

For those dire situations…

5. Despite what people say, life does have a rewind button.

Just sometimes that button is broken. So you have to pull out the tape and and rewind it by hand. Maybe you even have to use a pencil eraser.

6. If somebody asks you a question, your default answer should always be “gravy” or “shoop”.

Why? Because you catch them off guard. Then you can bombard them with total nonsense and maybe they’ll leave you alone. Maybe you can cut right back into casual conversation and they will fee like they’re going crazy. As soon as you catch them off balance you can mentally trip them up…or ever physically, if you’re that mean.

D.A.

 

That’s what it usually looks like when I try to type the word ‘necessary‘. In most occasions I just end up typing something somewhat similar and just hit the spell check option. Still, it’s quite a problem in my everyday life.

For example. There is no spell check program while you’re writing on a whiteboard in front of 30 kids. This usually results in great discomfort when they point out to you a spelling error.

No joke, today, I had about 10 kids tease me for misspelling the word homozygous. HOMOZYGOUS for Pete’s sake!

They didn’t even know what that word meant, but they knew I spelled it wrong!

Come on man! 

Necessary is one of those words that I have to put effort into actually memorizing. For some reason I never learned to spell some pretty common words.

Like the word minute. Like, you know, the word you use just about every instance you reference time? The one you were supposed to learn to spell in 2nd grade?

Yeah, until this year I couldn’t spell it on the first try. This means I would commonly just abbreviate the word or just ignore it completely.

I’m a little surprised that all of my friends never caught on when they kept getting text messages from me that said “I will be there in a few moments.” I never use that word when I speak, let alone in writing. Still, nobody suspected a thing.

Also, I have a hard time remembering how to spell the word “amount”. I always want it to have two “M”s. Ammount just seems so much more important of a word. Don’t you agree? Okay, I guess it does look a little funny.

Another point, I always end up having to second guess myself when I use a word that ends with the suffix “el” or “le”. (That may not even be a suffix, but whatever, I’m not teaching English usage to you, I’m even admitting I can’t even spell right now). Words like apple I don’t really have any problems with, but more uncommon words I do.

Example:

“Example”. I want to say it “EX-am-pell”. That’s how I pronounce that word (wrong or right). I always end up going for the old “exampel”. Then I realize I’m a moron and quickly erase it and put “le” at the end.

But nothing will erase those terrible feelings of never winning a school spelling bee…

Why am I telling you this?

Two reasons really. The first being that I want to make clear that I feel like my lack of putting effort into spelling so many common words correctly has affected how I write. And the second would be that I really want to know if I’m alone in my plight.

So, do you have any commonly misspelled words that you just can’t seem to shake?

D.A.

By the way… I’ve been hard at work trying to write my views on science and religion. And I realized that it’s very difficult to put so much thought into so few words. Right now I’m at 1700 words and all I’m trying to do is explain something that makes a lot of sense to me… So it’s going to take a little while to get this thing done. But I promise, I will post it and make all of you very upset/confused at my ideas on this topic.